Frequently Asked Questions

	Why do we need to know about child sexual abuse?
	What is child sexual abuse?
	Who sexually abuses children?
	How do people sexually abuse children?
	What stops us seeing abuse?
	What be done to prevent children being sexually abused?
	What can we do if we suspect that someone we know is abusing a child or thinking about doing so?

Why do we need to know about child sexual abuse?
It is only in recent years that we have come to appreciate the true scale of the sexual abuse of children. The secrecy surrounding child sexual abuse is evident in the fact that only a quarter of children who are sexually abused tell anyone about it. Of these, most tell a family member or friend. Very few come to the attention of police, social services or health professionals.

The harm sexual abuse causes to children can be profound, not just to their emotional and physical development, but also to their trust in adults, especially if their abuser is someone they love. The sooner abuse is identified, the sooner the healing process can begin for all concerned.

We can protect children by learning how to be alert to warning signs in the behaviour of a would-be abuser and knowing what action to take. Sound information helps us recognise these signs and take action to stop dangerous behaviour in ourselves and people we know. Just as the campaign against drink driving has enabled us to challenge someone who is drinking and planning to drive, so information and advice can help us act if we suspect someone we know might be sexually interested in children

What is child sexual abuse?

Child Sexual Abuse Includes Touching and Non-Touching Activity

Touching activity includes:

• Touching a child's genitals or private parts for sexual pleasure
• Making a child touch someone else's genitals, play sexual games or have sex
• Putting objects or body parts (like fingers, tongue or penis) inside the vagina, in the mouth or in the anus of a child for sexual pleasure

Non-touching activity includes:

• Showing pornography to a child
• Deliberately exposing an adult's genitals to a child
• Photographing a child in sexual poses
• Encouraging a child to watch or hear sexual acts
• Inappropriately watching a child undress or use the bathroom

Sexually abusive images of children and the Internet

As well as the activities described above, there is also the serious and growing problem of people making and downloading sexual images of children on the Internet. To view sexually abusive images of children is to participate in the abuse of a child and those who do so may also be abusing children they know. People who look at this material need help to prevent their behaviour from becoming even more serious.

If you come across a site that contains images of child abuse you can report it to the Internet Watch Foundation. For links to sites with help and advice for parents, children and teachers visit our useful links and information page and click on Internet Safety Sites.

Who sexually abuses children?

There is a growing understanding that sexual abusers are likely to be people we know, and could well be people we care about; after all more than 8 out of 10 children who are sexually abused know their abuser. They are family members or friends, neighbours or babysitters - many hold responsible positions in society. Some people who abuse children have adult sexual relationships and are not solely, or even mainly, sexually interested in children. Abusers come from all classes, racial and religious backgrounds and may be homosexual or heterosexual. Most abusers are men, but some are women. You cannot pick an abuser out in a crowd.

Many children are abused by other children or young people, often older than themselves. Unless the problem is recognised and help provided, a young person who abuses other children may continue abusing as an adult. More information about how to recognise worrying behaviour in children and teenagers and what to do about it is available from the Stop it Now! Helpline.

How do people sexually abuse children?

By getting close to children:

People who want to abuse children often build a relationship with the child and the caring adults who want to protect them. Many are good at making 'friends' with children and those who are close to them.

Some may befriend parents who are facing difficulties, sometimes on their own. They may offer to baby-sit or offer support with childcare and other responsibilities.

Some seek trusted positions in the community. They may look for jobs, which put them in contact with children, such as childcare, schools, children's groups and sports teams.

Some find places where they can get to know children and so not be seen as dangerous strangers. In arcades, playgrounds, parks, swimming pools and around schools.

By silencing children:

People who abuse children may offer a combination of gifts or treats and threats about what will happen if the child says 'no' or tells someone. They may make the child afraid of being hurt physically, but more usually the threat is about what may happen if they tell e.g. the family breaking up or father going to prison.

In order to keep the abuse secret, the abuser will often play on the child's fear, embarrassment or guilt about what is happening, perhaps convincing them that no one will believe them. Sometimes the abuser will make the child believe that he or she enjoyed it and wanted it to happen.

There may be other reasons why a child stays silent and doesn't tell. Very young or disabled children may lack the words or means of communication to let people know what is going on.

Why do people sexually abuse children?

It is not easy to understand how seemingly ordinary people can do such things to children. Some people who sexually abuse children recognise that it is wrong and are deeply unhappy about what they are doing. Others believe their behaviour is OK and that what they do shows their love for children. Some, but not all, have been abused themselves; others come from violent or unhappy family backgrounds. Knowing why people sexually abuse children does not excuse their behaviour, but it may help us understand what is happening.

If abusers face the reality of what they are doing and come forward, or if someone reports them, effective treatment programmes are available. These help people understand and control their behaviour, reducing risk to children and building a safer society. Knowing about the possibility of treatment for abusers helps children and families too.

What stops us seeing abuse?

Many people have experienced someone close to them abusing a child. When something is so difficult to think about, it is only human to find ways of denying it to ourselves. One of the common thoughts that parents in this situation have is; 'My child would have told me if they were being abused and they haven't - so it can't be happening'.

What do we need to know?

We need accurate information and facts to help us protect our children. The signs that an adult is using their relationship with a child for sexual reasons may not be obvious. We may feel uncomfortable about the way they play with the child, or seem always to be favouring them and creating reasons for them to be alone.

There may be cause for concern about the behaviour of an adult or young person if they:

Children often show us rather than tell us that something is upsetting them. There may be many reasons for their behaviour, but if we notice a combination of worrying signs, it may be time to call for help or advice.

What be done to prevent children being sexually abused?

A safe relationship between adults and children is one in which secrets are hard to keep; where children would feel able to tell someone even if they hadn't been able to say 'no' to the abuse. People who want to abuse children avoid these situations. The more difficult we make it for abusers to come between children and parents or carers, the better-protected children will be.

Sometimes the abuser is a parent or another close family member. When that happens it's especially painful for the safe parent or other family members to face it and it's even harder for children to say 'no' and tell someone.

There are things we can all do to prevent the sexual abuse of children. Sometimes a person outside the child's immediate family has a clearer view of what is going on than those more closely involved.

1. Be aware of the warning signs that someone we know may have a sexual interest in children and seek help if we are worried.

Make sure we understand the signs listed here so that we are aware of what to look out for at an early stage. If we think someone we know has a sexual interest in or may be abusing a child, seek professional help. Don't keep it a secret.

2. Talk to children, and listen to what they have to say

People who sexually abuse children rely on secrecy. They try to silence children and to build trust with adults, counting on us to be silent if we have doubts. The first step to tackling this secrecy is to develop an open and trusting relationship with our children. This means listening carefully to their fears and concerns and letting them know they should not worry about telling us anything. It is important to talk with them about sex, and to be comfortable using the words they may need.

Teach children when it is OK to say 'no', for example when they do not want to play, or be tickled, hugged or kissed. Help them to understand what is unacceptable behaviour and that they must always tell us if someone is behaving in a way which worries them, even if they were unable to say no at the time.

4. Set and respect family boundaries

Make sure that all members of the family have rights to privacy in dressing, bathing, sleeping and other personal activities. Even young children should be listened to and their preferences respected.

5. Take sensible precautions about whom we choose to take care of our children

What can we do if we suspect that someone we know is abusing a child or thinking about doing so?

It is very disturbing to suspect someone we know of sexually abusing a child, especially if the person is a friend or a member of the family. It is so much easier to dismiss such thoughts and put them down to imagination. But it is better to talk over the situation with someone than to discover later that we were right to be worried. And remember, we are not alone. Thousands of people every year discover that someone in their family or circle of friends has abused a child. Children who are abused and their families need professional help to recover from their experience.

Action can lead to abuse being prevented, and children who are being abused receiving protection and help to recover. It can also lead to the abuser getting effective treatment to stop abusing and becoming a safer member of our community. If the abuser is someone close to us, we need to get support for ourselves too.

Action you can take:

Contact the Stop it Now! Helpline on 0808 1000 900

If you are unsure or worried about your own thoughts or behaviour towards children, or the behaviour of someone you know, whether they are an adult or a child, our experienced advisors will talk over your worries with you and can offer confidential advice on what steps you could take.

Contact your local police and social services

The police and social services have joint working arrangements for responding to suspected child sexual abuse. Someone will talk to you about your concerns and may ask for details so the situation can be investigated further. Police and social services teams are very experienced in this work and will deal sensitively with the child and family. Remember, child sexual abuse is a crime and abusers may need to go to court before the abuse stops and they and the child get the help they need.