Supporting children in the family

If someone in your family is under investigation and you have children at home or they have access to children, it’s important to understand how this situation will be handled by the authorities. The police will share relevant information with Children’s Services, whose role is to ensure the safety and well-being of any children involved.

In some cases, your loved one might not be allowed to live with you during the investigation to protect the children. Instead, they might have supervised visits with the children. Social workers and family protection police officers may speak directly to the children to ensure they can freely express their worries and concerns. These professionals are trained to communicate sensitively with children and make them feel comfortable.

Talking to children and young people about a parent or carer’s sexual offending

We understand that discussing sensitive matters with your children can be difficult. How much and what you say will depend on your own circumstances and the age of the children.

Here are some tips for starting the conversation.

Preparing for the conversation

Take your time and prepare for the conversation

Take your time to prepare what to say and how to say it. Practice with a friend or reach out to our confidential helpline for assistance.
Think about what questions your child might ask you, and try to prepare some answers.
Consider your child’s age and ability to understand, and share only factual information.
Make sure you’re in the right frame of mind when talking to your child, showing your feelings in a way that won’t overwhelm them. Evidence suggests that children respond better if they see their parent is coping.
Choose a safe and comfortable space for the conversation, and talk to your child as early in the process as possible.
Be aware of the impact this news may have on your child. Bear in mind that the child is likely to find out at some point, and that it is better if this happens in a measured way from a supportive adult. Children might be angry if they feel significant information has been kept from them if they feel they should know about it.

During the conversation

This can be hard, be prepared and think about what you are saying

Start by asking your child what they already know and how they feel about it – it is helpful to hear the language they use.
Provide information in simple and easily understandable terms, based on their age and comprehension level.
Consider siblings’ age and understanding when sharing information, as they may talk to each other about it, so be sure to be consistent.
Encourage open communication and avoid using the word “secret.” Assure your child they can talk to you about their feelings and concerns. Think about what your child might say to their friends. You may want to share some information with their friends’ parents.
Be prepared for possible questions about why the person offended. It may help them to know that the adults are also struggling to make sense of the situation.

After the conversation

There may be more questions, ensure they have the support they need

If your child wants to know more than you think is appropriate, let them know they know enough for now and can come to you with further questions.
Check in with your child’s well-being and consider involving other trusted adults for support. (another family member, school teacher or counsellor).
Understand that children may need time to process the situation and may have various emotional reactions.
Remember to take care of yourself during this challenging time. See other organisations that can support you and your children.

You can download this information as a leaflet to share with friends and family. Remember, every situation is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to these conversations. Be patient and understanding as you navigate this difficult topic with your children. There is a range of support available for you here or for your child on our website for young people, Shore.

If you have any concerns, questions, or would just like to talk through what you are going to say to your child, our helpline advisors are here to support you. You can stay anonymous and don’t have to give your real name, location or any contact details. If you’re not ready to speak to anyone yet, you can also use our live chat or send a secure email.