The thought of being in the papers terrified me and I felt that because of the topics the news had been covering at the time and my husbands’ previous job, I had a sickening feeling that this was going to be bad. At the time, I couldn’t imagine being able to come through the situation, or having the support of people around me as I do now. My husband and I made the decision to delete all our social media accounts before the court date, but we weren’t sure if this was the right decision at the time. We asked our solicitor for advice and about the possibility of having a closed court, but they said it was too late and he didn’t think it was necessary. Unfortunately, on the day of the court date, I saw a woman with a notebook and she confirmed to me she was from the press. We knew the journalist may be waiting to take pictures of us, so we covered up completely when walking out.
That night, I will never forget, I began to get phone calls and text messages that the story had made it into the media. I found out through these messages that it had been reported on in the local newspaper, on Facebook and on the police website. Unfortunately, we had forgotten to deactivate an old LinkedIn account that my husband hadn’t used in years, so they were able to use a photo from there.
I really struggled during this time, I found it difficult to move from a chair in the living room and would just look outside and wonder about the intentions of everyone who was walking past, I continued to get messages from people, some were in disbelief, some were disgusted but a lot of them were also supportive.
Four weeks later my husband was due in to court again for his sentencing hearing. When halfway through the hearing a freelance journalist walked in, my heart sank. There was more media coverage following that second court date and it felt like a wound had been reopened. It was coming up to Christmas time and I just broke down. I knew I needed help at this point so I reached out to my GP and was supported with medication and CBT counselling which has helped me so much. I had already been signed off sick from work, but I also called the Stop It Now! Helpline which was so helpful to talk to someone who was able to understand and be non-judgemental. The Family and Friends Forum was so supportive and talking to others who have gone through a similar situation is invaluable, although I found that sometimes I did need to step away if it became too overwhelming for me.
Eventually, by taking one step at a time, I began to feel better. I returned to work and despite being terrified on my first day back, my workplace was fantastic about supporting me and ensuring that I was able to return without having to deal with any negative effects. They understood that someone else’s actions were not mine and my colleagues were immediately supportive, helpful and kind to me. I have a number of friends and family members who helped me through the difficult time and continue to remain supportive, as they understand that the reality of someone is far beyond any action or description in a media report. I still refuse to read any of the papers to this day as I understand that individuals are not accurately portrayed and that often details are blatantly wrong, and I refuse to contribute to that. However, as difficult as the situation was, I was able to get through it and have been able to have a fulfilling life beyond it. One thing that I have learnt is that there is support available and that regardless how difficult or dark it may seem there is help to reach out to, and it does get better.
After having gone through this ordeal, I feel the most helpful suggestion to other people going through a similar situation is to come off all social media and include any accounts which you may not have used for a long period of time. I would suggest bringing something to court to cover up your face when entering and leaving, and if possible, try to use a back or side door to avoid any journalists waiting to take pictures. It may also be helpful to have a conversation with your solicitor about the options from a legal perspective.
My final step in this journey is to try and get the articles and websites to remove anything about my husband from their websites, portals as well as from google to avoid it coming up as we all have the right to be forgotten. I am very hopeful for the future and I always keep in mind you cannot control other people, they may make assumptions, but you can always control yourself. You can choose to sink or swim. I chose to sink at first, but now I am swimming. I feel there is light, and I can see it now, there are people there for support. In the end, it is chip shop news and will eventually be forgotten.
