Together with the practical steps in making a safe home environment, good communication and respectful interactions within the family are important to create a space that feels safe for everyone. Open and supportive communication in families plays an important role in helping keep people safe.
Exercise 2: Reflecting on communication styles and how family members interact with each other.
Use the table below to think about the communication styles in your family or household. We have added in some examples to show how you can fill in the table.
Think about how members of your family/household talk to each other. List some examples of their usual tone, things they say and how they treat other members of the family.
| Family member | Their communication style when they are calm/ happy/ content | Consequences (e.g. how does this communication style make others feel?) | Their communication style when they are angry/ tired/ stressed | Consequences (e.g. how does this communication style make others feel?) |
| My partner | Bubbly, funny, encouraging, understanding | I feel heard. The kids laugh at their jokes and enjoy making fun with them. | Snaps at us; has screamed when very angry | Makes me feel bad about myself. The kids looked worried and scared when they screamed. |
| Oldest son | Asks lots of questions, smiles and laughs | Makes me feel warm and happy. | Gets quiet, cries, slams doors. | Makes me worried, sad, leaves me feeling powerless. |
Reflect on your answers in the exercise above and think about how you can adapt your own communication style to help build trust, honesty and clear boundaries in your family.
We know from research and from our experience of working with people who have had sexual thoughts or feelings towards their child(ren) that relationships and relationship problems can be related to the start or maintenance of these sexual thoughts or feelings. Dealing with relationship issues is never an excuse for sexual behaviour with a child, but it is important to address these issues to reduce any risks.
If you are dealing with parenting challenges or problems in your relationship with your partner, you are not alone. Such challenges are very common. You can find advice for parenting issues on the NSPCC website and Family Action website.
If you are going through problems in your relationship with your partner, you may want to consider the following:
- How can you (re)build intimacy with your partner? Date nights, physical affection, compliments, and sharing how you feel can all help with this.
- How can you strengthen trust between you and your partner? You can start with small steps like opening up more about your feelings, offering to take on a household chore and sticking to your promise, being consistent in what you say and how you act.
- How can you ensure you both feel like equals in the relationship? Sit down together and talk about how you both feel in the relationship, what your wishes and hopes are and how you can work together as a team in looking after your family and the household.
Sometimes though, relationships may not be healthy and either require some additional support or it may indeed be the healthiest option to end the relationship. You can find out more about what makes a relationship unhealthy and get support and advice if you are in an unhealthy or abusive relationship from NHS page on domestic abuse, Next Chapter Men, Men’s Advice Line, or the Respect phoneline (this is for people who want to stop their own abusive behaviour in relationships).
Relationships are nuanced and can be complicated. If you are struggling with your relationships with family members, speak to our friendly and non-judgmental helpline advisors, anonymously and confidentially. We are here to support you in a way that is tailored to you and your family.