At times this little voice can actually be helpful and keep us motivated toward goals—like when it reminds us that what we’re about to eat isn’t healthy or what we’re about to do may not be wise. However, this voice can often be more harmful than helpful. 

This statement shows how the inner critic can grow and become self-defeating:

“I didn’t say the right thing at work today. I never say the right thing. Everyone hates me. No wonder I can’t make friends. I’ll never have friends.” 

Focusing on critical and hurtful thoughts may lead to decreased motivation as well as greater feelings of helplessness and sometimes depression. For some people it also contributes to their sexual offending as they use it to justify negative behaviours, so it’s definitely something to fix.

If you are struggling with sexual thoughts or behaviours involving children, or if you are dealing with the impact of your behaviour, it is natural to be feeling low and engage in negative, critical self-talk. Some of the critical things you might be saying to yourself may be valid or realistic, but if you look around you will notice it is not the whole story. You may have done harmful things, but you have also been kind at times, done well at something, or be important to someone. But it is usually not helpful to let your inner critic take over because it doesn’t allow you to move forward in a positive way.