The different stages of sexual communication with children
In order to understand more about how to avoid situations which may lead to you communicating sexually with a child in the future, it can be helpful to break the process down into different stages, like those suggested below, based upon the work by Rachel O’Connell. We can consider each of these stages using one of the examples earlier, Rob:
- Friendship forming stage – Rob would provide support to young people who were struggling.
- Relationship forming stage – Rob continued this contact with Claire and communicated that he had feelings for her.
- Avoiding detection stage – The messaging between Rob and Claire took place mostly in the evening. There was also a secret meeting planned.
- Sexual behaviour stage – An arrangement was made to meet, which could have resulted in Rob committing a contact sexual offence against Claire.
Exercise 2: My different stages
To change behaviour, it’s important to recognise and understand the patterns in past behaviour. This can help us know the signs of the behaviour repeating itself and help us think about how we can change for the better.
Thinking about your online behaviour, what examples can you identify for each stage?
Remember that not every stage will be relevant for everyone. For example, some people do not try to make friends with the child concerned, or to form a relationship with them. But other people do. The difference often says a lot about people’s motivations. You can download this exercise here.
| Stages | My own behaviours |
| Friendship forming | |
| Relationship forming | |
| Avoiding detection | |
| Sexual behaviour |
