Exercise 1: recognising shame
We can experience and recognise shame in different ways, including physical, emotional and behavioural signs. Being able to recognise when you feel ashamed is the first step in being able to manage that feeling so that it doesn’t become unhelpful.
There are some examples in the table below of how some people recognise if they are experiencing shame, and some might apply to you. Try to identify other signs and add them to the table.
Physical cues (how our body reacts) | Emotional cues (how we feel) | Cognitive cues (what we think) | Behavioural cues (how we behave) |
| Feeling sick | Feeling worthless | I am a terrible person | Drinking more |
| Sweating | Feeling rejected | I don’t deserve support | Avoiding people |
If you struggle to identify your feelings then please see the module
Reflecting on what we have covered so far, ask yourself: which do you think you are experiencing – guilt or shame?
We strongly encourage the people we work with to try to move away from shame. Sometimes people are reluctant to do this, believing that they should feel bad because of what they have done. We are not excusing offending or suggesting people should not feel regret or guilt. But shame is not helpful. It makes it more difficult for you to move forwards – away from the offending behaviour – and towards making a valuable contribution to your family, friends and society.
