We have noticed how our thoughts affect our feelings, but our feelings can also affect our thoughts. Our thoughts, values and beliefs all affect how we interpret our emotions.
For example, if you are starting a new job, you are likely to get butterflies in your tummy, feel shaky and start sweating. If you struggle with your self-esteem you might think this means that you are feeling nervous because you are not going to do well, and you will have to talk to new people which you find really hard. These thoughts will then heighten those emotions and increase the nerves. However, if you see these nerves as something positive you might think this is due to your excitement at who you might meet and getting to do something new. We are now going to explore how we can have compassionate or critical thinking and how this affects how we manage our emotions.
Compassionate and critical thinking can be about ourselves, our situation and other people. So, they affect how we feel about ourselves and others. For example, an individual who feels powerless may lose motivation and believe that there is no point in trying, as he will not succeed. He may withdraw and isolate himself. Similarly, an individual who ruminates on problems and focuses on negatives is unlikely to see the positives in other people or situations and this can increase his feelings of isolation.
If you are unsure of compassionate and critical thinking (otherwise known as self-talk) then please work through our self-talk section.
Critical thinking tends to exacerbate difficult feelings such as stress, worry, anxiety and frustration.
Compassionate thinking relieves feelings and helps us to act in a way that meets our true needs.
Exercise – Your critical thoughts
Start keeping a list of situations where you notice negative thoughts.
With each of these, identify the associated feelings and behaviours.
Here is an example:
Situation – Saying hello to a colleague who doesn’t respond
Thought- ‘they hate me’
Feeling – rejection
Behaviour – stop talking to them
Then start thinking of other reasons:
- They didn’t hear me
- They were busy and preoccupied
- They were upset and didn’t want to talk to anyone
Start to see if you notice any difference in your feelings once you think of alternative reasons. You will probably notice the feelings are more positive.
Now think about your sexual thoughts and behaviour. Can you identify any feelings and negative thoughts that might contribute to sexual offending?
An example of this might be:
Situation: At home alone, wanting to start online dating.
Thought – I never know what to say to women in chat rooms
Feeling – frustration/loneliness
Behaviour – chatting with children online
Critical thinking is often fall into three main categories:
- Catastrophising – making things seem worse that they really are, getting things out of proportion
- Generalising – taking one occurrence and thinking it will always apply e.g. believing you will never pass your driving test because you failed the first time
- Negative focus – always focusing on the negative aspects of a situation rather than looking at the positives e.g. rather than be pleased about passing an exam, being upset that you did not get a higher grade.
Reflection
Spend some time reflecting on your thinking style. Note down your thoughts and some alternatives. Can you link your thoughts to any of the common thinking errors?