If you find yourself struggling with a sexual interest or preference for children, you may have encountered challenges along this journey. Perhaps you’ve experienced attraction to children you know, leading to feelings of shame and concern about your fantasies.
It’s important to recognize that the nature of your sexual interest or preference is not your fault. You cannot control your initial feelings, but you can manage your behaviour, fantasies and urges.
By doing so, you can pave the way for a fulfilling and healthy life without harming children.
Making a personal commitment
Consider making a pledge to yourself outlining the way you wish to lead your life and your commitment to maintaining safety and health. This commitment could be written down, possibly in the form of a letter addressed to yourself. If you have a supportive individual in your life who is aware of your situation, sharing this letter with them can serve as a means of accountability. Alternatively, you can send the letter anonymously through our secure email service. If you choose to contact us via email, kindly indicate whether you’d appreciate feedback or if you prefer us to retain the letter.
- I promise to stop viewing sexual images of children, recognizing the harm it inflicts on the children shown.
- I promise not to act upon sexual thoughts or urges that could harm others.
- I promise to seek assistance when facing challenges. The people or organizations I will reach out to are: …
While it is important to recognise the need to stop problematic behaviours (if this is applicable to you), you might want to think about phrasing your promise as ‘approach goals’. Approach goals involve things you can actively do, for example, speaking to the helpline when needed, or focussing your time and energy on healthy and positive activities to replace the harmful behaviours.
Exploring therapeutic options
Some people who have a sexual attraction to children want to change this attraction. There is some debate about how effective this change can be and some might suggest it is akin to the historical use of such practices for altering homosexual interests.
Managing your thoughts, fantasies, and behaviours associated with your sexual interest or preference is possible. Should you require additional support, some people find that therapy is helpful. Through therapy or counselling, you can delve into your concerns, thoughts, emotions, and behaviours in a more comprehensive manner. Together with a therapist, you can develop strategies and a personalised plan to enhance your coping mechanisms.
Encompassing therapy people often discuss various aspects of their attraction such as how it impacts relationships, intimacy challenges, negative thought patterns, risky behaviour, and addressing sexual thoughts and urges. Your therapist will work alongside you to pinpoint issues and find effective approaches to handle them in a healthy and safe manner.
Cognitive behavioural therapy
- The Safer Living Foundations’ Aurora Project: Providing support, guidance, and therapy for adults concerned about their sexual thoughts and behaviours.
- StopSO: A resource that can connect you with experienced counsellors and therapists knowledgeable about paraphilias and sexual thoughts.
- PreventIt: Free and anonymous online CBT for people with a sexual interest in children.
If you have any concerns, questions, or would just like to talk about what you are going through, our non-judgemental helpline advisors are here to support you. You can stay anonymous and don’t have to give your real name or any contact details. If you’re not ready to speak to anyone yet, you can also use our live chat or send a secure email.
