If you do something that you know is wrong and does not fit with your values and beliefs such as harming a child, then people will often use excuses, justifications or minimise the impact of their behaviour. This makes it easier to continue the behaviour.
Here are some examples. As you read through the list, make a note of any that sound familiar to you.
- “It was only once in a while.”
- “I needed to get my needs met somewhere.”
- “They are very mature for their age.”
- “It was just looking.”
- “At least I’m not as bad as so-and-so.”
- “My situation is different from everybody else’s.”
- “Just this one last time and then stop.”
- “Just this second time more and then stop.”
- “Well, I’ve already started so what the hell.”
- “My wife (husband or partner) isn’t responsive to my sexual needs.”
- “It doesn’t hurt anyone because…”
- “It’s just my way of relaxing.”
- “I only do this in private so it isn’t affecting anybody.”
- “They are already sexually experienced.”
- “They are not like other children their age.”
- “They were flirting.”
- “I’m helping them explore their sexuality.”
If you identify with the statements in the list then denial could be helping you to keep doing a behaviour (whether this is indulging in sexual fantasies about children, masturbating to sexual thoughts of children, or sexually touching a child) that you know is harmful. It is important that you challenge these thoughts if you recognise them.
