Although sexual behaviour can be influenced by numerous factors, it is not outside of your control. Sexual offending is not something that just happens on the spur of moment and often appears as a cycle or pattern that can become automatic and can occur repeatedly becoming somewhat part of a routine.
Understanding thoughts
Thoughts are all mental activity including ideas, opinions, beliefs, values, judgements and impressions. Thoughts are the voice in our head which governs what we do. We are not always aware of our thoughts but they are always there.
Thoughts can be automatic, fleeting or more prolonged. Thought processes provide us with the capacity to reason, use logic, common sense and put ideas together. Your mind is seldom empty of thoughts-even when you are asleep your mind is active.
What is sexual fantasy?
Do you ever think about winning the lottery? How would you spend the money? Where would you go? This is one example of a fantasy. A fantasy is something that is imagined. It can be sexual or non-sexual, so a sexual fantasy is something sexual that is imagined.
In a sexual fantasy your role may be as the person leading the sexual activity, as an equal participant in the act, as a person who is led or controlled by others, or as even a bystander watching what is happening in the fantasy.
What are feelings?
Feelings are emotions and moods that often occur after thoughts and are internal reactions to things going on around and within us. Thoughts and feelings are closely linked; either one may happen first closely followed by the other.
What is behaviour?
Behaviour is what you do; your actions as a result of what you think and feel.
Behaviour, thoughts and feelings are connected. Problematic behaviour is influenced by problematic thoughts and feelings, so in order to stop unhealthy behaviour it is important to be aware of the nature of the thoughts and feelings and to manage/change them.
Exercise: Thoughts and feelings links
- Think of an example of a situation that does not relate to sexual offending behaviour, e.g. going to the office party or attending a job interview.
- Identify some negative thoughts about the situation, e.g. ‘ I won’t know anyone there’ and ‘What’s the point? I am not going to get the job anyway’.
- Then identify the types of feelings that are associated with these thoughts and how they will affect the way you behave in these situations.
- Using the same examples apply positive thoughts and observe the differences in your feelings and behaviour.
- Understanding how you perceive and respond to your thoughts and feelings and how this influences your behaviour is key to managing problematic behaviour. It is important to identify your thinking patterns including your thinking errors (see below).
- Highlight which most apply to you and ask yourself how true they are. Challenge these errors and replace them with realistic thoughts. Reflect on how these thoughts influence your behaviour.
Common thinking errors
- ‘All or nothing’ thinking – often termed ‘black and white thinking’
- Over-generalising – overgeneralising from one specific experience/situation to expectations of future experiences
- Shoulds/musts – Rigid expectations of what you or others should do, or of what should happen in life. This can include the things that you believe ‘must’ happen in order for you to be happy
- Selective filtering – only paying attention to certain types of information (typically discounting positive information)
- Jumping to conclusions
- Catastrophizing – over-reacting to perceived negative events or setbacks
Finkelhor’s Model
One model which demonstrates the link between thoughts, feelings and behaviour is that based on Finkelhor’s pre-conditions to sexual offending (Finkelhor D. (1984). Child Sexual Abuse; New Theory and Research). The four stages in this model are as follows:
A potential abuser needs to have some motivation to sexually abuse. This does not necessarily mean that they have a sexual preference for children, as motivation could include the meeting of emotional needs as well as sexual gratification. Also, a child may become the target when the potential abuser feels existing adult sources of sexual gratification are unavailable or unsatisfactory.
Once motivated, the potential abuser has to overcome his or her internal inhibitions that may act against his motivation to sexually abuse. These inhibitions could include conscience and guilt, as well as fear of the consequences. Even someone with a very strong sexual interest in children can avoid offending if they are sufficiently inhibited by these factors. In fact, most people have some internal inhibitions against the sexual abuse of children. This second precondition aims to consider factors that account for how inhibitions are overcome. These include distorted thinking and excuses (e.g., “It’s only touching”, “I’m not hurting them”, “I’m showing love”, “No one will find out”).
This considers the environment outside the abuser, and looks at the external obstacles that must be overcome before the abuse can take place. External inhibitors that may restrain the abuser’s action could include: other family members and the level of supervision the child receives from carers, as well as how much contact with the child it is possible for the abuser to have as a result of their circumstances and opportunity. External inhibitors are easily overcome if the potential abuser is left alone with an unsupervised child, but if the abuser is not closely related to the child there may be fewer opportunities for abuse to take place.
Finally, the potential abuser has to overcome the child’s possible resistance to being sexually abused. This does not necessarily have to involve force. Abusers may deliberately target children who can be manipulated or be persuaded to keep a secret, avoiding those children who might resist or tell.
The four pre-conditions for sexual abuse are considered to operate in the above sequence. So, firstly the abuser must have the motivation and be able to overcome any internal inhibitions. Then, when these have been overcome the potential abuser will need to overcome external inhibitors and finally the resistance of the child.
In essence this model allows for exploration of the process through which a person moves from thinking about committing a sexual offence to acting on those thoughts.
In addressing problematic sexual thoughts about children, it is vital to focus on understanding and maintaining your internal inhibitors as, even if you feel your sexual thoughts are unchangeable, strengthening these inhibitions will represent a significant protective factor. It is therefore important to have an awareness of how thinking can become distorted in ways which reduce inhibitions. The next section considers this process.
