What are emotions?
Emotions are motivators. They are sensations in the body that tell us what we need and where to focus our energy- what to do. If we have learnt to ignore our emotions, or that expressing them causes more problems, we do not know what our needs are or how to act on them, so our feelings build up.
Emotions arise from our thoughts and situations, often these thoughts are so deep-rooted we don’t even notice them. When we grow up, what we experience tells us who we are and what the world is. Our experiences create a ‘framework’ that we view our future experiences through. We understand our situation, that is we have thoughts about our situation, based on what we have learnt from past experience. If we have had difficult past experiences, our thoughts will reflect this. This means our emotions may be telling us about past distresses more than our current situation. This is why when we have difficult emotions it is important to check-in with others to get different perspectives on a situation. We may learn something new this way, which changes the way we feel about something.
If we have had difficult past experiences, particularly when we were children and still learning about the world, taking time to reflect on those and how to understand what happened now that you are an adult can help you to have compassion for your childhood self and learn what you needed then, and now. If you think this might be the case for you, please talk to a professional.
Starting point
Use this quiz to identify your current level of confidence.
What happens in my body?
Here are some of the physical reactions we have to situations:
These reactions are generally preparing us for a ‘fight or flight’ response (so we could face a predator or flee to safety) which would have helped ensure our survival. Now these signs can be used to help us identify what we are feeling.
Exercise – How in-tune with your emotions are you?
Below is a worksheet which will help you to identify what happens to you physically and how this affects you. By completing this in different situations you should be able to decide what emotion you experience.
Ask others |
Ask myself |
| What expression does my face show? | What does my body feel like? |
| How do I say I feel? | What am I thinking about? |
| What do I do? | What do I feel like doing? |
How does understanding my feelings link to sexual thoughts and behaviours?
People often talk about their sexual thoughts and online behaviour as being an ‘escape’ from their real-world situation. This is because the real-world felt stressful, exhausting or empty. It may be that you were not aware of how you were feeling at the time, or the feelings seemed unending and ‘unfixable’- you could see no way to meet the needs associated with them. The online and fantasy worlds provide a distraction from our feelings, as we ‘daydream’ or scroll through irrelevant videos, messages or adverts, they provide temporary self-soothing. The addition of the use of sexual fantasy or online material serves to distract us and provide a temporary positive arousal state which is more powerful.
Developing insight into your emotions, and becoming comfortable to share them with others, are key elements in understanding what drove your thoughts and behaviour so that you can find alternative coping strategies that truly meet your needs. This will help to manage the risk that you might cause harm to children.