Some people find it more helpful to think of their behaviour as following a repeated pattern rather than, for example, the stages set out above. As with the stages above, considering your behaviour patterns can help you to understand the form your behaviour took, and the factors involved in your decision making. This will put you in a position where you can recognise this and change your behaviour so it is not repeated in the future.
The cycle below is based on the work of de Santisteban et al (2018). Just like with the stages above, how a person moves through the cycle will be unique to them, and is likely to have changed over time as their behaviour developed. Not every stage will apply to everyone.
Exercise 3: Cycle of online grooming
Look at the cycle below and think about how each stage might have applied to your online sexual behaviour towards a particular child or children, in general. You might also find it useful to consider one of the examples from earlier and how this person might apply to the cycle.
As you do this exercise, think about how your behaviour changed over time. Which stages of the cycle were most relevant for you? How has your thinking changed? How did the sexual communication arise? What do you think of your old justifications now?
Click on the stages of the cycle below for a full description of each stage.
As well as ideas like the Triple A model, this is about how people perceive the internet as a place where they can express themselves sexually more openly. For example, some people might feel more confident talking to adults and/or children about sex online than offline. Or they might feel that they can portray themselves with more confidence or as being more attractive etc.
To read more about the Triple A model, and consider these aspects of the internet, you might find it useful to look at the Online World module.
This is about how people make their initial contact with children online.
Although persuasion may occur throughout someone’s contact with children, we know that people can engage a child or children in conversation, for example, by the use of a false profile, by using the language of children or adolescents.
Having started the initial conversation, some adults may take an interest in other aspects of the child’s life. This is about strengthening their relationship with the child.
This stage is about how someone might persuade a child to do what they want them to, such as to send sexual images or videos of themselves.
This is the sexual behaviour itself, for example, the exchange of sexual videos and images; offline sexual contact; one-off sexual encounters; sustained sexual contact with the same child over time etc.
These are the things people say to themselves to justify their behaviour and to feel OK about it. These might include:
- blaming the child – ‘s/he led me on!’
- sexualising the child – ‘s/he was so provocative’, ‘s/he was sexually active anyway’
- desirability – believing themselves to be attractive and desirable
- equating children to adults, for example, in terms of consent and understanding.
The idea is that these justifications then make it more likely that the person will carry on with their behaviour, and so go back round the cycle, perhaps many times.
It is important to recognise these justifications, so that you can challenge them in the future. Once you have identified some of the justifications you used, you could consider a response to dissuade yourself from engaging in the behaviour in the future.
Use the table below to consider your justifications at the time and responses now. You should repeat all the phrases you write in the “Responses” column in your head, so that this sort of thinking becomes automatic if you start to experience the justifications again.
Some examples are provided.
Use the table below to consider your justifications at the time and responses now. You should repeat all the phrases you write in the “Responses” column in your head, so that this sort of thinking becomes automatic if you start to experience the justifications again.
Some examples are provided.
| Justifications | Responses |
| “S/he led me on.” | “They are a child. They are not able to consent to the sexual communication.” |
| “I’m only talking to them.” | “These conversation are still harmful to children” |
| “They could stop if they want to.” | “I’m the adult, it’s my responsibility to stop.” |
