‘Change’ means different things for different people and each person will have different goals when using this guide.
Some people will recognise they need to change harmful behaviours, such as viewing sexual images of children or contact sexual abuse, others will want to change their thinking patterns or fantasies.
For some people, change will mean feeling better or spending less time on inappropriate sexual thoughts.
Working on these problems can be difficult and distressing, as is often the case with personal growth and change. Change happens over time, rather than suddenly. As this process happens, a person’s motivation changes.
Choosing to use this guide is an important first step, and working through it will increase your understanding and awareness. Take one step at a time and don’t rush through the guide. You need to engage in the work and reflect on your life. It has taken a long time to get where you are and change can take time too.
Don’t be hard on yourself if it doesn’t happen overnight. People who struggle with sexual thoughts or behaviour towards children often have feelings of fear, guilt, and shame. This can reduce their self-esteem and hopes for the future.
A framework for discussing the motivation to change is the Stages of Change Model. They outline six stages.
- Pre-contemplation: a person is not aware there is a problem.
- Contemplation: a person is aware of a problem and starting to think about making a change.
- Preparation: a person is planning to make a change, finding support groups or talking to people about making changes.
- Action: a person is starting the new behaviour or stopping negative ones, attending support groups, completing self-help modules, calling the Stop It Now! helpline!
- Maintenance: a person doesn’t engage in old behaviour and has moved to a new normal.
- Lapse/Relapse: a person has returned to old behaviours, either as a one-off (lapse) or for longer (relapse). This does not always happen, but if a lapse occurs, you can choose to move back into the ‘action’ phase, rather than go into a complete relapse.
