- you might want to do something exciting which will distract you from those negative feelings or cover them up
- sometimes when you feel bad about yourself, you might even want to do something bad, almost as if to prove what a bad person you are
But you understand yourself better than anyone else. Think back to what you learned in Recognising and dealing with feelings or read it again if you need to. Just be aware of how things work for you and how they might have worked in the past when you’ve offended.
If you do give in to those bad feelings and end up doing something you know is wrong, you’ll feel worse.
If you are able to manage the feelings or situations without relapse then you’ll feel better.
Relapses are more likely if you’re still around people who encourage your negative behaviour. This might be people you have met online who encourage you to share images of children or talk sexually about them. Or it could be people you know who use sexual language about a child.
These are people with their own problems and they are a problem to you if they’re encouraging you to do something wrong or illegal. It is important that you separate yourself from them; this is easier to do if they are online as you can block them. However, if they are work colleagues or family members this can be harder. In those situations, you can use some of the self-talk section to help you manage this “wonky thinking” also known as cognitive distortions.
How might a relapse happen?
A relapse usually happens in a number of stages, sometimes in quick succession. Just being aware of how this can work will give you greater control. And with self-control and determination, you can stop a relapse even at the very last stage.
Look at the steps to relapse described below. Maybe you recognise them from the past. It’s very likely you might experience some or all of them in the future. Being prepared and understanding what’s going on and what could happen is your best defence against offending again.
At this stage, you’re not doing anything illegal or having inappropriate thoughts. If you’re lucky, this might come easily but, for some people or at some times, this might need quite a bit of self-control. But it’s OK – you’re coping and you know you’re doing the right thing.
Maybe your previous behaviour happened when you were going online late at night and the rest of your family was in bed. Maybe you can’t sleep and think you will watch some videos on YouTube to switch off. This might be taking you towards a risky situation.
Now let’s look at the situation and your state of mind.
- Where are you? Perhaps you’re on your own with time on your hands.
- How are you feeling? Are you feeling down? You might be more tempted to do something wrong.
- What is your self-talk? Are you making it easy to cross barriers you have put in place?
The danger by this stage is that you believe you’ve failed already. You tell yourself nothing’s changed – you’re as bad as ever, and you still have the same feelings.
When you feel that way, it’s really easy to think ‘I might as well just do it’. Remember though, you still have a choice and you can still choose to do the right thing – right for you and right for others.
You will know what a lapse involves for you – it is crossing boundaries that you put in place to keep yourself safe or starting illegal behaviours again.
You’re here, reading this, so it’s something you really don’t want to do and something you feel bad about. So, use those feelings and learn from what went wrong. Continue to develop a relapse prevention plan and reduce the risk of returning to old ways.
