What do we mean by a compulsion or addictive behaviour?

Compulsive: defined as performing an act persistently and repetitively without it necessarily leading to an actual reward or pleasure.

Addiction: is a state characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli, despite adverse consequences.

Typically an individual becomes dependent on something to reduce the pain of certain emotions. Usually they get pleasure the first time they try it and then they return to the behaviour to get the same feeling of pleasure. Continual usage leads to a reliance on the behaviour to feel normal which ultimately leads to psychological dependence.

Wrong – the first time you engaged in illegal online sexual behaviour, you knew it was wrong, you weren’t addicted then but you went back and did it again. This is because you prioritised the pleasure you got over the harm it caused others and each time you went back you could still have chosen a different path. Yes, it will have got harder to stop over time but you still had a choice. What’s important is that you now see this and are doing something about it.

So if you have recognised an addictive element to your offending, you need to understand more about it. Why do you think your use of the internet became addictive? What emotions were you avoiding/covering up?

You will need to look at reasons or motivations behind your addiction. You have already started looking at motivations for your offending and triggers to your behaviour. Think about the following questions:

• Have I ever had other addictions such as alcohol, drugs, gambling?
• Do I always use quick fixes (sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling) to feel better?
• If I didn’t get a rewarding feeling from my online behaviour why did I repeat it?
• What was happening in my life at the times my addiction was at its worst? (it can help to look back to your life line from module 1)

It is really important to look at the motivation for your behaviour and the emotions you are avoiding. If you don’t you will only mask the problem. However, whilst addressing the underlying motivations for your addictions there are also techniques that can be used to manage urges to go on-line and engage in illegal online sexual behaviour, as set out below:

• Restructuring/challenging – rehearsed self-talk.
• Active distraction – pro-actively distracting self from fantasy, e.g. computer game, conversation.
• Tell a safe person – someone from your support network, Stop It Now! helpline. Thought stopping – physical prompt to stop fantasy e.g. elastic band around your wrist.
• Urge surfing – ride the urge without acting on it, know it will pass.
• Fantasy blocker – think of “worst case” consequence – e.g. prison or being caught in the act by partner.
• Escape route – physically remove self from where you are having the fantasy e.g. turn off the computer, go for a walk.
• Relaxation techniques – use appropriate guided visualisation that works for you – this should be something that has been planned and rehearsed in advance.

A long term technique for managing addiction is self-care – including taking an interest in diet, social life, personal hygiene and exercise. Having an interest in this area can then be drawn on to use in the above techniques e.g. for ‘active distraction’ going to the gym or cooking a meal. Make a list which of these techniques you will find most useful or will try using. It is important to review how well you are managing your urges and the techniques which work well for you. Downloading the diary below can be a way of doing this.