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Self help modules:

Fantasy

many individuals use fantasy management techniques to help stop having harmful sexual fantasies.

Fantasies can be about a range of different things and everybody will have their own reasons for engaging in a fantasy. Sometimes a person’s thoughts stray and it takes them a short time to realise they are fantasising and not doing what they are supposed to be doing.

This module will help you explore and understand fantasies and the link with online behaviours.

The important thing is to find help and reach out. Someone removed from your normal life to talk to. Talk to a service like yours, anonymously and openly

Module chapters

Fantasy
Fantasies can be about a range of different things and everybody will have their own reasons for engaging in a fantasy
Exercise: When fantasy becomes a problem
A good starting point in considering if your fantasies are problematic is to look at your fantasies in more detail.
Appropriate versus inappropriate fantasy
So what are appropriate and inappropriate fantasies? We split inappropriate fantasies into three sections
Exercise: Fantasy knowledge
Understanding the issues around fantasy
Exercise: Inappropriate fantasy
Fantasies do not automatically lead to behaviours, but they do increase your likeliness of wanting to ‘play out’ particular fantasies.
Exercise: a fantasy management technique
Many individuals use fantasy management techniques to help stop having these harmful sexual fantasies.
Reflection: fantasy
What have you learnt about your fantasies?
The stages of change
‘Change’ means different things for different people and each person will have different goals when using this guide.

Fantasy

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What is fantasy?

Do you ever think about winning the lottery? How would you spend the money? Where would you go? This is one example of a fantasy. A fantasy is something that is imagined.

Why do people have fantasies?

Fantasies can be about a range of different things and everybody will have their own reasons for engaging in a fantasy. For some people, a fantasy will give them better confidence and a sense of control over a situation by letting them rehearse how they will deal with a situation.

For other people, it might be a way to release stress (escapism) or a way to experience things that they wouldn’t in everyday life (that lottery win). Negative fantasies can be a way that people try to cope and prepare themselves for something they fear will happen, or a way of punishing themselves. Some people use sexual fantasies as a form of sexual outlet, often if they are not meeting their sexual needs within a relationship.

A fantasy can have:

  • positive outcomes: for example imagining achieving an award or winning a competition.
  • negative outcomes: for example if a partner does not return home on time, imaging that they have been in a car accident.

Some fantasies are:

  • planned, rehearsed and used repeatedly by a person, for example scoring a world cup goal.
  • triggered by an emotional response or something that happens, for example replaying bad day at work.

Sometimes a person’s thoughts stray and it takes them a short time to realise they are fantasising and not doing what they are supposed to be doing.

Exercise: When fantasy becomes a problem

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Fantasies are a healthy and normal part of everyday life and everybody fantasises about something at one point or another.

But fantasies can become a problem when:

  • you engage in fantasies for a long period of time and increasingly often
  • you use fantasy to deal with a situation rather than resolving the problem itself
  • you would rather engage in a sexual fantasy than engage in sexual activity with your partner
  • your sexual fantasies are abusive or inappropriate (explored later)

If you can identify with the bullet points above, then your fantasies may begin to affect the things you care about, such as your family, your friends, your job and your intimate and sexual relationships.

My fantasies

A good starting point in considering if your fantasies are problematic is to look at your fantasies in more detail. Exercises 1a and 1b will help you start to do this and will help you to explore your triggers to your fantasies.

Exercise 1A: Thinking about past fantasies

Think of a fantasy that you have had, either regularly or a one-off fantasy. It can be a non-sexual or sexual fantasy. Now answer the following questions:

  1. Where were you when you were having this fantasy?
  2. Were there other people around? Were these people you know or strangers?
  3. What time of the day was it?
  4. What was your mood before you had that fantasy?
  5. Had anything happened during that day that led you to be in that particular mood?
  6. What was your mood after you had the fantasy?

Now think about other fantasies you have had and answer the same questions.

Do you see themes developing? Do you tend to have fantasies when you are in a particular mood or at a certain time of day? You may find that sexual fantasies follow slightly different themes to non-sexual fantasies. Make a note of these differences, these can be important to pay attention to as they can help develop insight and self-understanding.

Exercise 1B: Fantasy diary

Over the next week use the fantasy diary below to keep a record of your fantasies, both sexual and non-sexual. 

Using the table below, write down the time of day, your mood before you had a fantasy, the type of fantasy (sexual or non-sexual) and your mood after the fantasy. 

Module 5: Fantasy

Download and print a full page diary. 

Hopefully you should now be getting a picture of when and why you use fantasy. 

Note down:

  • the time of day
  • your mood before you had a fantasy
  • the type of fantasy (sexual or non-sexual)
  • your mood after the fantasy.

Hopefully, you should now be gaining an understanding of why you use fantasy.

Many people who have behaved illegally online feel that as part of addressing their behaviour, they have to stop all sexual fantasies.

But sexual fantasies themselves are not necessarily a bad thing – it’s what happens in that fantasy or who is in that fantasy that might need to be addressed.

Hopefully you should now be getting a picture of when and why you use fantasy.

Appropriate versus inappropriate fantasy

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Some people will say that a sexual thought isn’t harming anyone, it is just in your head, and there is no law against thoughts, but you may be reinforcing your interest in things that are illegal or abusive with your fantasies.  This could be particularly important if you are imagining scenes that if they occurred in real life would be abusive or illegal (e.g. non-consensual sexual acts or sexual acts with someone under the age of 16). We know that fantasies can become stronger if someone masturbates to them, as the pleasure experience gets associated with the fantasy. This means though, that if you masturbate to appropriate fantasies these can also strengthen over time.  

It can be important to identify if your fantasies are linked to your online use.  You might find what you view may be influencing what you imagine in your fantasies (e.g. what we watch on TV or online, what we read or what we listen to) and vice versa.  Bear in mind sexual images of someone under the age of 18 is an offence.   

 

So, what exactly are appropriate and inappropriate fantasies? We split inappropriate fantasies into three sections: 

Illegal fantasies

These are fantasies that would be illegal if they were carried out or acted on in real life, such as having sex with a child, or involving non-consensual acts with adults. To reiterate, having fantasies is not illegal, no matter what it is you fantasise about. But fantasies that cover activities that would be illegal if you acted them out are inappropriate.

Abusive fantasies

Things you fantasise about can be legal but still be abusive. So, imagine you are a 48–year–old man and you are having a sexual fantasy about a 16–year–old. Is this illegal? No. But is this appropriate? No. An adult having a sexual relationship with a 16–year-old is not illegal, but if the man is more than 5 years older (or is in a position of responsibility) then it is likely they have more power than the 16–year–old (perhaps related to age, status, money, or life experience and knowledge).

Not OK for me

This could be a legal and healthy fantasy for some people, but not for you. For example, an adult dressed as a school child. This may be ok for some people but for those who have a sexual interest in children, it may take them a step closer to a fantasy about a child.  As an individual it is your role to decide what fantasy is ok for you and which are not, if you are unsure you can speak with a professional or our helpline advisors. 

We are all different, we all use fantasy in a different way and it may have a different impact on different people.  That is why it is important to consider your imaginary life/thought life and consider how it could be healthier.   

Below are some examples of fantasies, spend some time considering what the impact of spending time thinking about each of these might be for you…. 

Answer: 

Could make you feel lonely or sad 

Could increase your sexual attraction to a past partner (which could hinder you fully engaging in a new relationship or attraction) 

Could help you feel happy or appreciative of good memories and pleasurable feelings 

Answer: 

You may feel powerful or in control during the fantasy 

You might feel powerless 

You may later feel bad about yourself as you believe forcing someone sexually is wrong and illegal 

Bearing in mind that forcing someone to do something sexual against their will is illegal.  Think about what this fantasy is encouraging a link between. 

You may engage in a thought like this because you want to feel better, maybe feeling powerful or in control might be the opposite of how you feel in your real life.   

Thinking about this might temporarily help you feel better, but staying in this fantasy might get in the way of you engaging in more healthy ways of coping or may mean you aren’t present to take steps to make the situations/relationships you are in better.  It could foster a relationship in your mind and body between use of force and sexual arousal. 

If the fantasy depicts two consenting adults who want to dress up in school uniform then this could be an appropriate fantasy. 

It might be worth considering why this fantasy is appealing for you.  If it is because you have a sexual interest in school children, spending time in this fantasy could reinforce sexual thoughts about children or it could be something that could impact on your online use, moving you closer to searching illegal images of children online. 

A child needs to be 16 years old to consent to sexual activity and 18 to consent to sexual images of them to be shared. This law is in place to protect children as they are viewed as not psychologically, physically or socially ready for sex, and could be taken advantage of. Sexual activity with a child is illegal, even if they show a willingness or interest in sex. If you are an adult thinking about this type of behaviour it is important to know you are not alone but that to act on these thoughts would have significant impacts on the child as well has yourself.

If you fantasise about meeting each other and consenting to this activity, this is likely to be an appropriate thought.

Exercise: Fantasy knowledge

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Whether a particular fantasy is considered inappropriate can vary from person to person; for example it is more appropriate for a 20 year old person to have sexual fantasies about a 18 year old, than a 60 year old person.

Now let’s see how much you understand fantasy.

Exercise 2: Fantasy knowledge

Read each example of a fantasy below and consider whether you think each one is an appropriate or inappropriate fantasy. 

A fantasy about a past sexual partner that you loved and cared for.

Answer: This would be an appropriate fantasy and it is ok to have this fantasy as it is depicting a scenario which is non-abusive. However, if this fantasy is about a sexual relationship you had when you were under 16, this would be inappropriate. Also, if you now have a new partner you need to consider how healthy this is for you and whether it will affect your new sexual relationship.

A fantasy about your employer making you angry, so you slam their office door and force them to engage in sexual activity.

Answer: This is an inappropriate fantasy. Forcing someone to do something sexual against their will is illegal.

A fantasy about an adult engaging in sexual activity with another adult wearing school uniform.

Answer: If the fantasy depicts two consenting adults who want to dress up in school uniform then this could be an appropriate fantasy. However, if you have been accessing indecent images of children, it would be inappropriate because you could be reinforcing your inappropriate thoughts about children.

A fantasy about sexual activity with a 15 year old who said they want to have sex.

Answer: This is an inappropriate fantasy. A child needs to be 16 years old to consent to sexual activity and 18 to consent to images of them to be shared. Regardless of how old you are, sexual activity with a child is illegal.

A fantasy about sexual activity with an attractive adult stranger you saw walking down the road that day.

Answer: If you fantasise about meeting each other and consenting to this activity, then it would be appropriate.

Exercise: Inappropriate fantasy

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Adult pornography

The internet has a vast range of adult pornographic material on offer and it gives you the chance to explore what you like, what you don’t like and the type of person you want to see engaging in sexual activity.

Over time, what you view will start to create and develop your sexual preferences and sexual fantasies.

Fantasies do not automatically lead to behaviours, but they do increase your likeliness of wanting to ‘play out’ particular fantasies.

Illegal online sexual behaviour

Accessing indecent images of children, or sexually communicating about or with children, can also shape your sexual fantasies.

And if you masturbate to these fantasies to the point of ejaculation, this positively reinforces the attraction. Masturbation to the point of ejaculation is extremely pleasurable.

Over time, the things that we think about during masturbation are likely to be associated with feelings of arousal.

This means that masturbating to pictures of children or whilst engaged in sexual communication with or about a child increases the possibility of becoming aroused at the sight or thought of a child.

Will this make me commit a contact offence?

We are not saying that everyone who has accessed indecent images of children, or who has sexually communicated with or about a child, or has masturbated to the thought of a child will go on to commit a contact offence.

But, if you are masturbating to a fantasy or an image of a child, then this is going to develop your sexual preferences, just as adult pornography would, but in a very unhealthy and illegal way.

Although you may not believe this to be an option, under new and unknown circumstances, you don’t know how you might act on that arousal.

People also rehearse things they want to do and build confidence through their fantasies. You might not be thinking about enacting your fantasies now, but over time, your confidence and urge to act on them will increase, especially if you find that you are not getting the same level of pleasure from the fantasy; you may find you want to do something to increase the buzz.

Exercise 3: Inappropriate fantasy

Have you recently had a fantasy about a child? If you have, then without thinking about it in too much detail, work through these questions one at a time and see if these help you think about your fantasies differently.

  1. Where is this fantasy situated?
  2. What are you doing there?
  3. Who else is there? What are they doing there?

What this fantasy says about you

  1. What role does this fantasy place you in?
  2. How does this fantasy compare to the type of person you are generally?
  3. How does this fantasy compare to the type of person you want to be?
  4. How does the fantasy of the content compare to real life?

What this fantasy says about how you view others

  1. How do you treat the people in the fantasy?
  2. How do they treat you?
  3. What if the roles were switched?

What this fantasy says about your view of the world

  1. What sort of world would it be if you or other people were able to act on this fantasy?
  2. Is this really the type of world you’d like to live in?
  3. What is the likelihood of your fantasy ‘expectations’ being met and would you want them to be met?
  4. What would your close friends and family feel about this fantasy? What would they think?
  5. How would you feel if your son or your daughter acted out this fantasy with another adult?
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Exercise: a fantasy management technique

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Fantasy management

So you have identified which of your sexual fantasies are inappropriate. But how do you stop having them?

For some people this will be easy, but for others it will take time, hard work, a lot of willpower and heaps of self-control. You are not alone if you feel it is too hard to control these fantasies, but you are in control of your thoughts and feelings and you can make a choice as to how much attention you choose to give to them.

Many individuals use fantasy management techniques to help stop having these harmful sexual fantasies.

Exercise 4: Use a fantasy management technique

Have a read through the techniques below. Next time you have an inappropriate sexual fantasy, try and use one of these to help you stop. The more you use these, the more you will learn what works more effectively for you. It may be that you need to rehearse them or use a combination of these to get it just right.

Escape route

Sometimes we need to remove ourselves from the situation in which we are fantasising. Get up, get out of that room, leave the house if you have to. Go anywhere that stops you from having that sexual fantasy. Being with other people will be good for you and will limit the time you spend fantasising or masturbating.

Active distraction

Do something that prevents you from thinking about a fantasy. This could be reading, watching TV, going for a walk. It could be ringing a friend or going for a drink. Anything that takes your thoughts away from that fantasy.

Urge surfing

Imagine your fantasy as being like a giant wave. It will build and build to a peak and then suddenly go the other way and decline in intensity. If you do not masturbate, eventually the urge to do so will go away. This happens with all urges, not just sexual urges; for example, if you are craving alcohol or chocolate, eventually this craving will go away.  The more you observe riding the wave and watching the urge increase and then pass without acting on it the easier it will become.

Self-care

Eating well, exercising, sleeping and relaxation; all of these contribute to a happier, healthier you. If you ensure all these are in check, you will find managing sexual fantasies much easier. Use the self-care module to help you identify self-care strategies you can use to look after yourself.

Praise your success

Do something that prevents you from thinking about a fantasy. This could be reading, watching TV, going for a walk. It could be ringing a friend or going for a drink. Anything that takes your thoughts away from that fantasy. 

 

Below are some more challenging strategies, they may be helpful.  When trying them be careful not to be too hard on yourself if they don’t work or if you find them difficult.  Some people who experience shame (or significant negative thoughts) around their sexual attraction / fantasy are not advised to practice these without a professional helping them.   

Challenging your thoughts

Be curious about why you might be thinking this way, what are the benefits for me? Or why is this scenario appealing for me? 

You could also ask about the consequences. ‘What would happen if someone walked in and could see what I was fantasising about?’ ‘I know if I keep having this fantasy, I am more likely to look at indecent images of children; what are the consequences if I was caught?’

Fantasy replacement

Change the ending or the subject of your fantasy. For example, if you are beginning to fantasise about a child you have seen in an indecent image or communicated with online, try to change the child to an adult. This might be difficult and may not be as sexually stimulating for you.  If you can change to an adult image just before climax this will have the most powerful effect.   

You could start by changing small features like hairstyle or body form and over time change the whole situation. In contrast, try a different fantasy all together which is new and exciting…. and legal! 

Fantasy blocker

Imagine someone walkingin to your fantasy and catching you. This person has to be someone who you would never want to find out, like a close friend or family member. Or maybe the police. 

 

What do I do if my sexual preference is children?

We understand that some people have no sexual interest in adults. They often report an exclusive and life-long sexual interest in pre-pubescent or pubescent children. If this is true of you, then we understand that asking you to replace a child in a fantasy with an adult may not work for you.

Rather than trying and changinge your sexual interest, your task is to learn how best to manage your sexual thoughts, feelings and fantasies. Of course, there are no easy answers but the aim is to try and reduce both the frequency of your sexual fantasies and their intensity. We hope the suggestions and advice below are helpful: 

  • Try to avoid sexual fantasies about children when masturbating. Of course, this can be difficult, especially if you are not attracted to adults. To help, try focusing your attention exclusively on the physical sensations you experience while masturbating. Experiment with different sensations e.g. use of lubricants.
  • Reduce the amount of time spent thinking or fantasising about children in a sexual way. The more time you spend having sexual fantasies about children, the more these thoughts will govern your mental and sexual life. So, the less time you spend thinking about children in a sexual way, the better.
  • Develop a busy day-to-day lifestyle with a range of activities and interests that hold your attention. The more our minds are focused on things that we find engaging and rewarding, the less time we spend thinking about sexual things. This helps people feel more in control of their sexual thinking. And, of course, it helps people feel better about their lives more generally.
  • Try and spend time with others. People tend not to day-dream, or have sexual fantasies, when they are interacting with others, for example, at work or when socialising. Their minds are otherwise occupied.
  • If you are aware that you use sexual fantasies as a way of coping with other things in your life e.g. an escape from things that are worrying you or as a way to relax, find other ways of coping with these things. This will help you reduce the frequency of your sexual fantasies.
  • Self-care is important too. If you feel OK about yourself, you are less likely to use sexual fantasies as a prop for your emotional health. Mindfulness is a technique that has been shown to improve people’s mental health and resilience.
  • Don’t beat yourself up.  For many people, it simply does not feel realistic to never have sexual fantasies about children or to end masturbating to the thought of children. Mindfulness can help people come to terms with their feelings about this. Compassion and self-acceptance can also be very helpful. Having a sexual interest in children can feel lonely and you may feel society doesn’t understand your situation.  If you need to speak with someone about this please use the helpline for support and advise.

You can use our helpline, live chat or secure message service for confidential support from our experienced advisors if you want to discuss anything covered in this module, have struggled when working through it, or want to go through the information with a practitioner to guide you. 

Reflection: fantasy

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Reflection

  • What fantasy management techniques have I already used?
  • What have been most effective for me?
  • How will I incorporate other fantasy management techniques into my day to day life?

Talk to us if you need support

You can use our helpline, live chat or secure message service for confidential support from our experienced advisors if you want to discuss anything covered in this module, have struggled when working through it, or want to go through the information with a practitioner to guide you.

The stages of change

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‘Change’ means different things for different people and each person will have different goals when using this guide.

Some people will recognise they need to change harmful behaviours, such as viewing sexual images of children or contact sexual abuse, others will want to change their thinking patterns or fantasies.

For some people, change will mean feeling better or spending less time on inappropriate sexual thoughts.

 

Working on these problems can be difficult and distressing, as is often the case with personal growth and change. Change happens over time, rather than suddenly. As this process happens, a person’s motivation changes.

Choosing to use this guide is an important first step, and working through it will increase your understanding and awareness. Take one step at a time and don’t rush through the guide. You need to engage in the work and reflect on your life. It has taken a long time to get where you are and change can take time too. 

Don’t be hard on yourself if it doesn’t happen overnight. People who struggle with sexual thoughts or behaviour towards children often have feelings of fear, guilt, and shame. This can reduce their self-esteem and hopes for the future.

A framework for discussing the motivation to change is the Stages of Change Model. They outline six stages.

  • Pre-contemplation: a person is not aware there is a problem.
  • Contemplation: a person is aware of a problem and starting to think about making a change.
  • Preparation: a person is planning to make a change, finding support groups or talking to people about making changes.
  • Action: a person is starting the new behaviour or stopping negative ones, attending support groups, completing self-help modules, calling the Stop It Now! helpline!
  • Maintenance: a person doesn’t engage in old behaviour and has moved to a new normal.
  • Lapse/Relapse: a person has returned to old behaviours, either as a one-off (lapse) or for longer (relapse). This does not always happen, but if a lapse occurs, you can choose to move back into the ‘action’ phase, rather than go into a complete relapse.
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Concerned about your online behaviour

Many people who have engaged in online sexual behaviour involving children believe that there is a ‘grey area’ between what is legal and illegal. There is not.

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Understanding why

If you are concerned about your worrying or illegal online sexual behaviour and want to stop this behaviour, it is important for you to learn as much as possible about yourself and what you are doing.

Understanding why
If you are concerned about your worrying or illegal online sexual behaviour and want to stop this behaviour, it is important for you to learn as much as possible about yourself and what you are doing
Exercise 1: internet use
You might already have some understanding of why you have been or are tempted to behave illegally online
Exercise 2: timeline
The second exercise is in three parts and looks back over your life to help you think about how you started behaving illegally online
Reflection: understanding why
As with the introduction to this module, using the table below, write down your current level of knowledge and understanding about your online behaviour.
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Triggers

This module will help you understand, different types of triggers and your own triggers

Triggers
A ‘trigger’ is also called a cue, prompt or call to action.
Situational and environmental risks
Some places and situations present specific risks and triggers for people, for example being alone at home late at night with internet access
Reflection: triggers
Think about the triggers you have identified.
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Problems of immediate gratification

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of why immediate gratification is so powerful and how to manage the desire of immediate gratification.

Problem of immediate gratification
Understand why you prioritised your immediate needs despite the consequences
Problem of immediate gratification – reflection
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Online world

Sexual offending happens in the offline and online world. But some people we work with often tell us they would not have offended without the internet, apps or smartphones.

Online world
Sexual offending happens in the offline and online world.
Online behaviour
Some people we work with say they behaved in a way online that they wouldn’t have done in the offline world.
Online relationships
We all have an idea of how we come across to other people.
Exercise: So what is the problem with online relationships?
When we engage with people online and form friendships, it is usually around something specific, for example the sexual images of children.
Exercise: Online world
Some people don’t have as many offline relationships as they would like.
Reflection: online world
Think about what has prompted you to take action
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Fantasy

This module will help you explore and understand your current sexual and non-sexual fantasies, and the link between your fantasies and your online behaviour

Fantasy
Fantasies can be about a range of different things and everybody will have their own reasons for engaging in a fantasy
Exercise: When fantasy becomes a problem
A good starting point in considering if your fantasies are problematic is to look at your fantasies in more detail.
Appropriate versus inappropriate fantasy
So what are appropriate and inappropriate fantasies? We split inappropriate fantasies into three sections
Exercise: Fantasy knowledge
Understanding the issues around fantasy
Exercise: Inappropriate fantasy
Fantasies do not automatically lead to behaviours, but they do increase your likeliness of wanting to ‘play out’ particular fantasies.
Exercise: a fantasy management technique
Many individuals use fantasy management techniques to help stop having these harmful sexual fantasies.
Reflection: fantasy
What have you learnt about your fantasies?
The stages of change
‘Change’ means different things for different people and each person will have different goals when using this guide.
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Adult pornography

If you are viewing legal adult pornography then this is your choice and we are not here to shame you for using it or to tell you to stop. But this self-help section will encourage you to think about whether viewing legal adult pornography is helpful or harmful for you.

Adult pornography
If you are viewing legal adult pornography then this is your choice and we are not here to shame you for using it or to tell you to stop
When viewing adult pornography becomes a problem
People who think that the way they look at adult pornography is out of their control might say it is like an addiction to alcohol or drugs
What is a trigger?
A trigger is something that affects how you are feeling, which then affects how you behave.
Drivers
Many people have problems with limiting the amount of time they spend viewing adult pornography or how often they view it
Managing your adult pornography use
If you decide it would be helpful for you to reduce your use of adult pornography, or stop looking at it completely, then here are some changes you can make to help.
Self-care and tips
Feeling negative effects when you give up pornography is normal.
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Addiction

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of how you can start to address your addictions.

Addiction
What do we mean by a compulsion or addictive behaviour?
It’s not my fault?
Wrong – the first time you engaged in illegal online sexual behaviour, you knew it was wrong, you weren’t addicted then but you went back and did it again
Dealing with addiction
It is really important to look at the motivation for your behaviour and the emotions you are avoiding.
Reflection: addiction
Reflect back on what you have learnt about addiction
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Problematic collecting

This module aims to help you to explore and gain understanding of why you collect, how it links to your offending and the relationship between collecting and some of the unsatisfactory aspects of your life.

Problematic collecting
For some people, collecting – and cataloguing, organising and all the other stuff that goes with it – can seem a big part of their offending
Exercise 2: when collecting is a problem
If you are collecting sexual images of children, then this is always a problem because it is harmful to both you and the children in the images
Exercise 3: why collect sexual images of children
Of all the things you could collect, why collect sexual images of children?
Exercise 4: justifications
A lot of people will have known that their collecting was wrong, but still continued to do it anyway
Reflection: problematic collecting
What have you learnt about yourself? What are you going to do?
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Images are children

This module will help you understand the false justifications offenders use to avoid responsibility for their actions, that these images are of real children being abused and the effects of being photographed on the children in the image.

Images are children
It’s likely that you will have used self-justifications to persuade yourself that it is ok to allow yourself to view sexual images of children
Exercise 1: understanding and responding to justifications
For people to allow themselves to view sexual images of children, they will generally be using a number of self-justifications to persuade themselves that it is ok to do what they are doing
Consent
‘Consent’ means to give permission for something to happen.
Exercise 2: Empathy
‘Empathy’ means trying to understand what another person is thinking and feeling, or “putting yourself into their shoes”
The effects on the child
Psychologists have tried to look at what it means to the child to be photographed and for these photographs to be used in a sexual way
Exercise 3: effects on you
Consider how you would feel about how close you could get to the child abuse taking place
Images are children: reflection
Your level of knowledge and understanding around your awareness of the child abuse taking place in these images
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Sexual communication with children online

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of your motivation for engaging sexually with children online, how your behaviour progressed into sexual communication and how you might have justified your behaviour.

Sexual communication with children online
Sexual communication with a child is often referred to as online grooming.
The different groups
Some people tell us that their interaction with children was not only motivated by sex.
Different stages
In order to understand more about how to avoid situations which may lead to you communicating sexually with a child in the future
The cycle of online grooming
Some people find it more helpful to think of their behaviour as following a repeated pattern rather than, for example, the stages set out above
The child’s perspective
Many people do not believe they are harming children when they communicate with them sexually on the internet.
Reflection: sexual communication with children online
Understanding more about your behaviour online can help you to consider what changes you need to make to stop the behaviour and move forward positively
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