Self help modules:
Identify where you are in your readiness to make changes and take initial steps to change harmful behaviours.
This module aims to help you:
‘Change’ means different things for different people and each person will have different goals when using this guide.
Some people will recognise they need to change harmful behaviours, such as viewing sexual images of children or contact sexual abuse, others will want to change their thinking patterns or fantasies.
For some people, change will mean feeling better or spending less time on inappropriate sexual thoughts.
Working on these problems can be difficult and distressing, as is often the case with personal growth and change. Change happens over time, rather than suddenly. As this process happens, a person’s motivation changes.
Choosing to use this guide is an important first step, and working through it will increase your understanding and awareness. Take one step at a time and don’t rush through the guide. You need to engage in the work and reflect on your life. It has taken a long time to get where you are and change can take time too.
Don’t be hard on yourself if it doesn’t happen overnight. People who struggle with sexual thoughts or behaviour towards children often have feelings of fear, guilt, and shame. This can reduce their self-esteem and hopes for the future.
A framework for discussing the motivation to change is the Stages of Change Model. They outline six stages.
By using this website, you have recognised that you have a behaviour you want to change and are at least in the preparation stage. Move into action and start the self-help modules today. Anyone who commits themselves to change is able to change, even if they have tried in the past without success. With the right tools, you can move forward.
You need to take one step at a time, do not rush through it. Our role is to ask the right questions not give you the answers; you need to engage in the work and reflect on your life.
Spend some time thinking about some positive goals that will help you move towards being the person you want to be. It is important to set goals in manageable bite-size ways that make them more achievable which, in turn, makes change even more likely.
It may help you to focus on the following five key areas of well-being; routine, sleep, nutrition, movement and social contact. When we are not feeling our best, these things tend to slip but when we are at our most peaceful, it’s usually because the above needs are being met.
Example: my goals for the next week
You can achieve these goals and you have taken the first step to change. Be proud that you have started this journey and let us support you as you take the next steps.
It can also be useful to make some changes specifically connected to problematic behaviour. Some examples might include:
Change I want to make | Making it specific – how will I achieve this? | What will be the outcome? |
| Feeling less anxious | I will contact my GP today and make an appointment to discuss what options are available to me | I will feel like I am addressing the problem and being proactive. Long-term, I hope to feel more peaceful and in control. |
| Reduce my pornography use | I will contact my internet provider within the next two days and request that parental controls are put in place, to prevent my access to sexual material | I will spend less time viewing pornography which will allow me to focus on having quality time with my partner, friends and family. This will reduce my feelings of guilt and improve my connections with others. |
If you have people you can talk to about the changes you want to make, it’s a good idea to include them in your plan. It’s helpful to have someone to check in with and keep you on track when you’re making changes. If you can, share your plan with your supporters and ask them to see how you’re doing. They might also give you some advice. For example, if you set a goal to join a new club to make more friends, your supporters might notice that you’re feeling more confident. Hearing their thoughts can help you stay motivated, so don’t hesitate to ask them how you’re doing.
It’s also important to notice your own progress and give yourself a pat on the back. We suggest taking a moment every day or every few days to look at your goals. If you haven’t reached them, think about what made it tough and how you can overcome those challenges. And if you have succeeded, don’t forget to praise yourself and acknowledge your progress. You can keep adding new goals as you achieve your current ones.
If you have any concerns, questions, or would just like to talk about what you are going through, our non-judgemental helpline advisors are here to support you. You can stay anonymous and don’t have to give your real name or any contact details. If you’re not ready to speak to anyone yet, you can also use our live chat or send a secure email.
This module aims to help you focus on looking after yourself so that you are able to undertake any changes needed to address your thoughts and behaviour.
The exercises in this module aim to help you get more in tune with your body so that you notice how it is responding in different situations.
This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of the interaction between thoughts, feelings and behaviours so you can notice inappropriate sexual fantasies and behaviours.
This module helps you to develop strategies to help you deal with difficult thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
Identify where you are in your readiness to make changes and take initial steps to change harmful behaviours.
The conversations you have with yourself can be destructive or beneficial. They influence how you feel about yourself and how you respond to events in your life. This module helps you recognise negative self-talk and change your inner voice.
The role self-esteem plays in helping create an offence free life.
This module aims to help you recognise if you’re feeling shame and ways you can overcome it so that you can build a positive and offence free life.
Our confidential helpline is free and available to anyone concerned about the safety of children.
Lucy Faithfull Foundation offers support and advice for parents, carers, professionals, survivors and communities. Shore is for teenagers worried about sexual behaviour.
Our helpline 0808 1000 900
2 Birch House, Harris Business Park, Hanbury Road
Stoke Prior, Bromsgrove, B60 4DJ
Lucy Faithfull Foundation is a Registered Charity No. 1013025, and is a company limited by guarantee, Registered in England No. 2729957.
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