Self help modules:
This section is designed to help you explain terminology around unusual sexual interests (paraphilias) and learn how to lead a healthy life with these interests.
This section is designed to help you:
A paraphilia involves persistent sexual arousal toward something seen as unusual or outside the norm. This can vary over time, place, and culture.
More common paraphilias include an interest in watching people who are unaware of being watched while they undress or engage in sexual activities (voyeurism); exposing one’s genitals to people who are not suspecting, for example in public (exhibitionism); or having a sexual interest in objects or body parts that are not genitals, such as feet (fetishism).
This section focuses primarily on a sexual attraction to children. But if you feel you may have other paraphilias, you may still find some of the exercises in this module useful, you will just need to adapt them for whatever causes the sexual arousal.
When it comes to terminology, it’s important to know that not all sexual interests are the same and they can often be mislabelled. For example, the media often uses terms like ‘paedophile’ to refer to anyone who commits a sexual offence against a child, but they are not the same. Having a sexual interest in children doesn’t automatically mean a person will abuse them. Research shows that many people convicted of child sexual offences don’t have a sexual preference for children.
According to the International Classification of Mental and Behavioural Disorders (ICD-11), paedophilic disorder exists when someone has recurring, powerful sexual urges and fantasies involving prepubescent children, leading to actions or distress. This disorder relates to prepubescent children, not teenagers.
How people develop paedophilia is not fully understood and involves biological, social, and psychological factors. Genetics, brain development, learned behaviour, and attitudes towards sex and children all play a role.
Hebephilia refers to a sexual interest in early-puberty adolescents, while ephebophilia involves mid- to late-teen adolescents. These terms aren’t defined clinical disorders, but if the focus leads to problematic behaviour or distress lasting more than 6 months, they may meet criteria for a paraphilic disorder.
Sexual attraction varies greatly. Some people are attracted to different genders, ages, looks, and personalities. This diversity is normal. While for some people their sexual interest is only in one age group, for others they have interests in more than one. This diagram represents this cross-over.
There’s an ongoing discussion among professionals and researchers about whether paraphilic interests can change.
Our clinical experience suggests that change is possible for some people. This depends on factors like the nature and strength of a person’s interest, how long they’ve had it, and whether they also have age-appropriate sexual attractions.
For example, people who are also interested in adults might redirect their fantasies away from children toward adults. Take a look at our section on managing fantasy.
Having a sexual interest or preference for children does not automatically lead to harmful actions. Remember: you have control over your behaviour, and you can lead a healthy, safe, and content life.
Living with a sexual interest in children has challenges. Negative thoughts or emotions can trigger a downward spiral, complicating the management of both your interest and behaviour. That’s why it is important to practice self-compassion. Self-compassion can give you valuable tools to live a good life and not harm children.
Self-compassion involves giving the same care and empathy to yourself as to other people experiencing suffering or difficulty. It is like compassion, but directed inwards.
Here are some ways that you can practice self-compassion.
Create a mental image of a compassionate friend, whether real or imaginary. Visualize their appearance, demeanour, and how they interact with you. Breathe deeply and slowly, then engage in a conversation with this friend about your worries or struggles. Consider the advice they would offer, their tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. Jot down your thoughts, feelings, and the advice provided by your compassionate friend.
Document your negative or critical thoughts and counter them with positive, friendly, and kind responses. Imagine your compassionate friend addressing these thoughts, and note down the compassionate advice you’d offer to a loved one facing similar challenges. After the compassionate response, identify an action you can take to cope with these thoughts.
Allocate time for self-care through soothing activities. This could entail taking a relaxing bath, visiting a serene location, savouring your favourite meal or snack, conversing with a loved one, reading a captivating book, watching a cherished TV show, spending time with your pet, imagining a tranquil space, practicing yoga, basking in the sun’s warmth, or lighting a comforting scented candle. Plan a week ahead with at least one soothing activity per day. Experiment with new activities to gauge their impact on your well-being.
If you find yourself struggling with a sexual interest or preference for children, you may have encountered challenges along this journey. Perhaps you’ve experienced attraction to children you know, leading to feelings of shame and concern about your fantasies.
It’s important to recognize that the nature of your sexual interest or preference is not your fault. You cannot control your initial feelings, but you can manage your behaviour, fantasies and urges.
By doing so, you can pave the way for a fulfilling and healthy life without harming children.
Consider making a pledge to yourself outlining the way you wish to lead your life and your commitment to maintaining safety and health. This commitment could be written down, possibly in the form of a letter addressed to yourself. If you have a supportive individual in your life who is aware of your situation, sharing this letter with them can serve as a means of accountability. Alternatively, you can send the letter anonymously through our secure email service. If you choose to contact us via email, kindly indicate whether you’d appreciate feedback or if you prefer us to retain the letter.
While it is important to recognise the need to stop problematic behaviours (if this is applicable to you), you might want to think about phrasing your promise as ‘approach goals’. Approach goals involve things you can actively do, for example, speaking to the helpline when needed, or focussing your time and energy on healthy and positive activities to replace the harmful behaviours.
Some people who have a sexual attraction to children want to change this attraction. There is some debate about how effective this change can be and some might suggest it is akin to the historical use of such practices for altering homosexual interests.
Managing your thoughts, fantasies, and behaviours associated with your sexual interest or preference is possible. Should you require additional support, some people find that therapy is helpful. Through therapy or counselling, you can delve into your concerns, thoughts, emotions, and behaviours in a more comprehensive manner. Together with a therapist, you can develop strategies and a personalised plan to enhance your coping mechanisms.
Encompassing therapy people often discuss various aspects of their attraction such as how it impacts relationships, intimacy challenges, negative thought patterns, risky behaviour, and addressing sexual thoughts and urges. Your therapist will work alongside you to pinpoint issues and find effective approaches to handle them in a healthy and safe manner.
If you have any concerns, questions, or would just like to talk about what you are going through, our non-judgemental helpline advisors are here to support you. You can stay anonymous and don’t have to give your real name or any contact details. If you’re not ready to speak to anyone yet, you can also use our live chat or send a secure email.
This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of:
This module will help you to explore, different types of triggers, your own triggers, potential warning signs of sexual abuse, including grooming and situational and environmental risks.
This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of Immediate changes to help you take control of your behaviour How you may have used justifications to allow your problematic behaviour(s) to continue
This module will help you explore and understand your current sexual and non-sexual fantasies, and the link between your fantasies and your online behaviour
This section is designed to help you explain terminology around unusual sexual interests (paraphilias) and learn how to lead a healthy life with these interests.
This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of problematic sexual behaviours, motivations, patterns and trends.
Our confidential helpline is free and available to anyone concerned about the safety of children.
Lucy Faithfull Foundation offers support and advice for parents, carers, professionals, survivors and communities. Shore is for teenagers worried about sexual behaviour.
Our helpline 0808 1000 900
2 Birch House, Harris Business Park, Hanbury Road
Stoke Prior, Bromsgrove, B60 4DJ
Lucy Faithfull Foundation is a Registered Charity No. 1013025, and is a company limited by guarantee, Registered in England No. 2729957.
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