Self help modules:

Problem of immediate gratification

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of:

  • Why immediate gratification is so powerful
  • how to manage the desire of immediate gratification

Objectives

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of:

  • Why immediate gratification is so powerful
  • How to manage the desire of immediate gratification

Module chapters

Immediate gratification
understand why you prioritised your immediate needs despite the consequences
What can you do?
One way to counter the power of instant gratification is to think about how you will feel if you do the behaviour, compared to how you feel if you don’t

Immediate gratification

Immediate gratification

If you have been masturbating to fantasies about engaging in sexual acts with children, or if you have taken these thoughts further and engaged in sexual offending against children, then you might be wondering why you choose behaviours with such short-term gain when they have such long term negative consequences.

The following list offers some explanations for this:

  • Often the long term consequences are less certain (e.g. you might get arrested)
  • The consequences can be less intense (compared to instant sexual relief)
  • You can think that you care less about the long term impact (at the time and especially if feeling upset/low)
  • Moral disengagement – This can take many forms, such as passing responsibility to others (“I wouldn’t think about her if she didn’t dress like that”, “the media is full of sexualised images”), minimising the harm caused (“it’s only a fantasy”, “it’s only touching”), or collective action (“others are doing it”). This moral disengagement therefore allows you to have enjoyment from something while reducing the discomfort you would likely experience if you considered the harm of child sexual abuse.
  • The bikini effect which suggests that men are more impulsive after being exposed to ‘sexy’ stimulus, therefore more likely to make rash decisions. This can help explain why some individuals who view legal pornography online allow themselves to progress to viewing child images.

This still might not help you to understand why you started having sexual thoughts of children and certainly does not excuse abusive behaviour; however it can help you understand why you prioritised your immediate needs despite the consequences. It is important that you start to think about how you can reduce the power of instant gratification if this has been a particular problem for you.

What can you do?

One way to counter the power of instant gratification is to think about how you will feel if you do the behaviour, compared to how you feel if you don’t (e.g. you distract yourself from your sexual urges and instead find a book to read and go for a walk). How would you feel after an hour, a week and a month?

Another is to write a list of the costs (what you lose or may lose from doing the behaviour) and the gains (what you gain or may gain from doing the behaviour). These can also be split into short term and long term costs and gains. The table below shows some examples.

This still might not help you understand why you chose to behave illegally online does not excuse the behaviour. But it can help you understand why you prioritised your short-term needs despite the consequences.

It is important that you start to think about how you can reduce the power of instant gratification if this has been a particular problem for you.

Costs

Gains

Short Term

Long Term

Short Term

Long Term

ShameLose relationshipSexual relief 
GuiltLose job  
FearDepression  
Exercise
  • Fill out the table above noting your own short term and long term costs and gains.
  • Can you identify any long term gains?

Very few people can identify long term gains from their behaviour – this shows how powerful the urge for sexual relief can be in the moment. But it can also show why they want to stop their negative behaviour.

Concerned about your thoughts or behaviour?

Self-help, information and support for people troubled by their sexual thoughts about children and young people.

View modules

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of:

  • Why immediate gratification is so powerful
  • how to manage the desire of immediate gratification
Immediate gratification
understand why you prioritised your immediate needs despite the consequences
What can you do?
One way to counter the power of instant gratification is to think about how you will feel if you do the behaviour, compared to how you feel if you don’t

This module will help you to explore, different types of triggers, your own triggers, potential warning signs of sexual abuse, including grooming and situational and environmental risks.

Types of triggers
‘Triggers’ are what precede (come before) your thoughts, feelings and behaviours, and can cause emotional and behavioural responses
Warning signs
Warning signs are the things that alert us and other people that something is wrong or that there this a potential danger or hazard
Triggers: situational and environmental risks
Situations can provide the ingredients for a chain of unhealthy behaviours and trigger the offence cycle

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of Immediate changes to help you take control of your behaviour How you may have used justifications to allow your problematic behaviour(s) to continue

Making changes
Change can be hard and take time. It is important that you have strategies to manage your behaviour in the short term whilst you work through the modules
Minimising or excusing behaviour
If you do something that you know is wrong and does not fit with your values and beliefs such as harming a child, then people will often use excuses, justifications or minimise the impact of their behaviour

This module will help you explore and understand your current sexual and non-sexual fantasies, and the link between your fantasies and your online behaviour

Fantasies
In this section, when we are talking about ‘sexual fantasy’, we are referring to something that is imagined which you find sexually arousing
Appropriate versus inappropriate fantasy
So what are appropriate and inappropriate fantasies? We split inappropriate fantasies into three sections
Exercise: appropriate versus inappropriate fantasy
Have you recently had a fantasy about a child? If you have, then without thinking about it in too much detail, work through these questions one at a time and see if these help you think about your fantasies differently
Exercise: When fantasy becomes a problem
A good starting point in considering if your fantasies are problematic is to look at your fantasies in more detail.
Exercise: a fantasy management technique
Many individuals use fantasy management techniques to help stop having these harmful sexual fantasies.

This section is designed to help you explain terminology around unusual sexual interests (paraphilias) and learn how to lead a healthy life with these interests.

Terminology
A paraphilia involves persistent sexual arousal toward something seen as unusual or outside the norm. This can vary over time, place, and culture
Exploring your sexual interest
A person can have different sexual interests that include a wide range of preferences, but there might be one group that holds the strongest appeal
Practice self compassion
Living with a sexual interest in children has challenges
Make a promise to yourself
If you find yourself struggling with a sexual interest or preference for children, you may have encountered challenges along this journey

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of problematic sexual behaviours, motivations, patterns and trends.

Motivation
Sexual behaviour is influenced by your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values and experiences; however, it is not beyond your control
Exercise 1: making your timeline
In order to understand where your problematic sexual behaviours began, it is helpful to identify what was happening in your life at that time
Exercise 2: digging deeper
To further explore and reflect on your timeline, think about how each point on your timeline made you feel
Problematic behaviour
Although sexual behaviour can be influenced by numerous factors, it is not outside of your control
Cognitive distortions
Cognitive distortions are thinking errors which we use to minimise, justify and excuse behaviours
The offence cycle
A ‘cycle’ consists of a pattern of behaviour where the end leads you back to the beginning and the whole pattern repeats itself over and over again

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