Self help modules:

Problems of immediate gratification

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of why immediate gratification is so powerful and how to manage the desire of immediate gratification.

Home Concerned about your own thoughts or behaviour? Concerned about your online behaviour Problems of immediate gratification

Objectives

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of:

Why immediate gratification is so powerful
How to manage the desire of immediate gratification

Module chapters

Problem of immediate gratification

understand why you prioritised your immediate needs despite the consequences

Problem of immediate gratification - reflection

Understanding the issues around fantasy

Problem of immediate gratification

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Immediate gratification

Is your online sexual behaviour risky or illegal? You might have wondered why you choose behaviours with such short-term gain when they have such long-term negative consequences.

Here are some possible explanations:

Long-term consequences can be less certain, for example you might get arrested
Long-term consequences can seem less intense compared to instant sexual relief
You can think that you care less about the long-term impact at the time and especially if feeling upset or low
You might go through ‘moral disengagement’. This can happen in different ways but often involves:
– passing responsibility onto others, for example “I wouldn’t look if the images weren’t there”
– minimising the harm caused, for example “it’s only chatting”
– dehumanising the victim, for example “it’s only an image”
– collective action, for example “other people are doing it”
Moral disengagement allows people to enjoy a behaviour that is unacceptable when you know that children are being sexually harmed.
The bikini effect, which suggests that men are more impulsive after being exposed to ‘sexy’ stimulus, and so more likely to make reckless decisions.

This still might not help you understand why you chose to behave illegally online does not excuse the behaviour. But it can help you understand why you prioritised your short-term needs despite the consequences.

It is important that you start to think about how you can reduce the power of instant gratification if this has been a particular problem for you.

What can you do?

One way to work against the power of instant gratification is to think about:

how you will feel in an hour, a week or a month if you do the illegal behaviour, for example if you go online, look at illegal images and then feel guilty or ashamed
how you will feel in an hour, a week or a month if you don’t do the illegal behaviour, for example if you read a book or go for a walk and then feel proud, happy or relieved.

Another way to work against the power of instant gratification is to use the template below to write a list of the costs and gains of the behaviour, which can be split into long-term and short-term.

Costs		Gains
Short-term	Long-term	Short-term	Long-term
Shame	Lose relationship	Sexual relief
Guilt	Lose job
Fear	Depression

Can you identify any more short-term gains or any long-term gains?

Very few people can identify long term gains from their behaviour – this shows how powerful the urge for sexual relief can be in the moment but also why they want to stop their negative behaviour.

Problem of immediate gratification - reflection

Completed

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Reflection

Is instant gratification a problem for you?
What are going to be the best ways for you to manage these urges?

Talk to us if you need support

You can use our helpline, live chat or secure message service for confidential support from our experienced advisors if you want to discuss anything covered in this module, have struggled when working through it, or want to go through the information with a practitioner to guide you.

Fantasy

This module will help you explore and understand your current sexual and non-sexual fantasies, and the link between your fantasies and your online behaviour

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Fantasy

Fantasies can be about a range of different things and everybody will have their own reasons for engaging in a fantasy

Exercise: When fantasy becomes a problem

A good starting point in considering if your fantasies are problematic is to look at your fantasies in more detail.

Appropriate versus inappropriate fantasy

So what are appropriate and inappropriate fantasies? We split inappropriate fantasies into three sections

Exercise: Fantasy knowledge

Understanding the issues around fantasy

Exercise: Inappropriate fantasy

Fantasies do not automatically lead to behaviours, but they do increase your likeliness of wanting to ‘play out’ particular fantasies.

Exercise: a fantasy management technique

Many individuals use fantasy management techniques to help stop having these harmful sexual fantasies.

Reflection: fantasy

What have you learnt about your fantasies?

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Understanding why

If you are concerned about your worrying or illegal online sexual behaviour and want to stop this behaviour, it is important for you to learn as much as possible about yourself and what you are doing.

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Understanding why

If you are concerned about your worrying or illegal online sexual behaviour and want to stop this behaviour, it is important for you to learn as much as possible about yourself and what you are doing

Exercise 1: internet use

You might already have some understanding of why you have been or are tempted to behave illegally online

Exercise 2: timeline

The second exercise is in three parts and looks back over your life to help you think about how you started behaving illegally online

Reflection: understanding why

As with the introduction to this module, using the table below, write down your current level of knowledge and understanding about your online behaviour.

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Taking control of your online behaviour

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding your level of control over your current online sexual behaviours, how you have used denial to allow your problematic behaviour to continue and how to make immediate changes to start the change process.

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Triggers: taking control

How does feeling out of control affect your mood?

Changes

It is important that you recognise that making changes can be hard and so people can easily go back into old habits

Reflection: taking control of your online behaviour

Has this module raised any further questions for you or made you want to explore any ideas further?

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Online world

Sexual offending happens in the offline and online world. But some people we work with often tell us they would not have offended without the internet, apps or smartphones.

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Online world

Sexual offending happens in the offline and online world.

Online behaviour

Some people we work with say they behaved in a way online that they wouldn’t have done in the offline world.

Online relationships

We all have an idea of how we come across to other people.

Exercise 3: So what is the problem with online relationships?

When we engage with people online and form friendships, it is usually around something specific, for example the sexual images of children.

Exercise 4 and 5: Online world

Some people don’t have as many offline relationships as they would like.

Reflection: online world

Think about what has prompted you to take action

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Triggers

This module will help you understand, different types of triggers and your own triggers

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Triggers

A ‘trigger’ is also called a cue, prompt or call to action.

Situational and environmental risks

Some places and situations present specific risks and triggers for people, for example being alone at home late at night with internet access

Reflection: triggers

Think about the triggers you have identified.

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Adult pornography

If you are viewing legal adult pornography then this is your choice and we are not here to shame you for using it or to tell you to stop. But this self-help section will encourage you to think about whether viewing legal adult pornography is helpful or harmful for you.

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Adult pornography

If you are viewing legal adult pornography then this is your choice and we are not here to shame you for using it or to tell you to stop

When viewing adult pornography becomes a problem

People who think that the way they look at adult pornography is out of their control might say it is like an addiction to alcohol or drugs

What is a trigger?

A trigger is something that affects how you are feeling, which then affects how you behave.

Drivers

Many people have problems with limiting the amount of time they spend viewing adult pornography or how often they view it

Managing your adult pornography use

If you decide it would be helpful for you to reduce your use of adult pornography, or stop looking at it completely, then here are some changes you can make to help.

Self-care and tips

Feeling negative effects when you give up pornography is normal.

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Addiction

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of how you can start to address your addictions.

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Addiction

What do we mean by a compulsion or addictive behaviour?

It’s not my fault?

Wrong – the first time you engaged in illegal online sexual behaviour, you knew it was wrong, you weren’t addicted then but you went back and did it again

Dealing with addiction

It is really important to look at the motivation for your behaviour and the emotions you are avoiding.

Reflection: addiction

Reflect back on what you have learnt about addiction

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Sexual communication with children online

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of your motivation for engaging sexually with children online, how your behaviour progressed into sexual communication and how you might have justified your behaviour.

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Sexual communication with children online

Sexual communication with a child is often referred to as online grooming.

The different groups

Some people tell us that their interaction with children was not only motivated by sex.

Different stages

In order to understand more about how to avoid situations which may lead to you communicating sexually with a child in the future

The cycle of online grooming

Some people find it more helpful to think of their behaviour as following a repeated pattern rather than, for example, the stages set out above

The child’s perspective

Many people do not believe they are harming children when they communicate with them sexually on the internet.

Reflection: sexual communication with children online

Understanding more about your behaviour online can help you to consider what changes you need to make to stop the behaviour and move forward positively

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Images are children

This module will help you understand the false justifications offenders use to avoid responsibility for their actions, that these images are of real children being abused and the effects of being photographed on the children in the image.

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Images are children

It’s likely that you will have used self-justifications to persuade yourself that it is ok to allow yourself to view sexual images of children

Exercise 1: understanding and responding to justifications

For people to allow themselves to view sexual images of children, they will generally be using a number of self-justifications to persuade themselves that it is ok to do what they are doing

Consent

‘Consent’ means to give permission for something to happen.

Exercise 2: Empathy

‘Empathy’ means trying to understand what another person is thinking and feeling, or “putting yourself into their shoes”

The effects on the child

Psychologists have tried to look at what it means to the child to be photographed and for these photographs to be used in a sexual way

Exercise 3: effects on you

Consider how you would feel about how close you could get to the child abuse taking place

Images are children: reflection

Your level of knowledge and understanding around your awareness of the child abuse taking place in these images

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Problematic collecting

This module aims to help you to explore and gain understanding of why you collect, how it links to your offending and the relationship between collecting and some of the unsatisfactory aspects of your life.

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Problematic collecting

For some people, collecting – and cataloguing, organising and all the other stuff that goes with it – can seem a big part of their offending

Exercise 2: when collecting is a problem

If you are collecting sexual images of children, then this is always a problem because it is harmful to both you and the children in the images

Exercise 3: why collect sexual images of children

Of all the things you could collect, why collect sexual images of children?

Exercise 4: justifications

A lot of people will have known that their collecting was wrong, but still continued to do it anyway

Reflection: problematic collecting

What have you learnt about yourself? What are you going to do?

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