Self help modules:
Old patterns of behaviour can be returned to, especially at times of stress. This section is all about relapse prevention – how to prevent a relapse, and if you do slip, how to pick yourself up and get building again.
A relapse is slipping back into former ways of life, after you have built changes for the better. This could be anything you know you to be wrong or dangerous for you to be doing. A relapse also includes falling back into illegal behaviours.
For example, looking at adult pornography may be legal, but you know this is risky behaviour which feels wrong, and has the potential to push you towards accessing illegal material online.
Relapse prevention is about recognising that difficult times can happen so it is important to be prepared for them.
But you understand yourself better than anyone else. Think back to what you learned in Recognising and dealing with feelings or read it again if you need to. Just be aware of how things work for you and how they might have worked in the past when you’ve offended.
If you do give in to those bad feelings and end up doing something you know is wrong, you’ll feel worse.
If you are able to manage the feelings or situations without relapse then you’ll feel better.
Relapses are more likely if you’re still around people who encourage your negative behaviour. This might be people you have met online who encourage you to share images of children or talk sexually about them. Or it could be people you know who use sexual language about a child.
These are people with their own problems and they are a problem to you if they’re encouraging you to do something wrong or illegal. It is important that you separate yourself from them; this is easier to do if they are online as you can block them. However, if they are work colleagues or family members this can be harder. In those situations, you can use some of the self-talk section to help you manage this “wonky thinking” also known as cognitive distortions.
A relapse usually happens in a number of stages, sometimes in quick succession. Just being aware of how this can work will give you greater control. And with self-control and determination, you can stop a relapse even at the very last stage.
Look at the steps to relapse described below. Maybe you recognise them from the past. It’s very likely you might experience some or all of them in the future. Being prepared and understanding what’s going on and what could happen is your best defence against offending again.
At this stage, you’re not doing anything illegal or having inappropriate thoughts. If you’re lucky, this might come easily but, for some people or at some times, this might need quite a bit of self-control. But it’s OK – you’re coping and you know you’re doing the right thing.
Maybe your previous behaviour happened when you were going online late at night and the rest of your family was in bed. Maybe you can’t sleep and think you will watch some videos on YouTube to switch off. This might be taking you towards a risky situation.
Now let’s look at the situation and your state of mind.
The danger by this stage is that you believe you’ve failed already. You tell yourself nothing’s changed – you’re as bad as ever, and you still have the same feelings.
When you feel that way, it’s really easy to think ‘I might as well just do it’. Remember though, you still have a choice and you can still choose to do the right thing – right for you and right for others.
You will know what a lapse involves for you – it is crossing boundaries that you put in place to keep yourself safe or starting illegal behaviours again.
You’re here, reading this, so it’s something you really don’t want to do and something you feel bad about. So, use those feelings and learn from what went wrong. Continue to develop a relapse prevention plan and reduce the risk of returning to old ways.
Warning signs relating to sexual offending can include physical, behavioural and emotional changes in both adults and children.
Here is a list of warning signs that a person might recognise in themselves.
This list doesn’t include every sign. The warning signs will be different for everyone so it is important that you consider what your personal warning signs are. There are likely to be other warning signs which are relevant for you.
Positive feelings also influence behaviour. It is not always obvious what people are feeling but there can be ‘clues’ based on body language and on what people say and do. It is important that you consider those ‘clues’ so that they can help you manage your thoughts and/or behaviour when needed.
Write a list of your physical, behavioural and emotional warning signs and answer the following questions.
The last section might have seemed a bit negative but it’s important to be realistic – those risks and temptations do exist. But you still have the ability to build a good life without resuming past behaviours.
Make sure you have made all the practical changes to reduce the risk of temptation. You can revisit these from previous sections: make changes to your thoughts or behaviour towards children or your online behaviour.
Complete the relapse prevention plan on the last page to make sure you have identified ways you are going to cope with risky thoughts, feelings, behaviours, people and places.
Is there anyone you feel close to who you might confide in? Sometimes just talking can make it feel much better. They might even be willing to be a support person for you – someone you can contact when things seem difficult. If you don’t feel there’s anyone you can talk to, remember you can talk to our helpline or the Samaritans. They will always be there and always willing to listen. They are also completely anonymous.
It’s really important to understand that stopping offending isn’t only about things you can’t do or shouldn’t do. You’re here because you want to feel better and live better. The last section will give you some ideas on how to do that.
Spend some time identifying your own risk factors so you are aware of what they are and how to manage them. The following questions (available in the downloadable worksheet) could be helpful to do this.
If you have any concerns, questions, or would just like to talk about what you are going through, our non-judgemental helpline advisors are here to support you. You can stay anonymous and don’t have to give your real name or any contact details. If you’re not ready to speak to anyone yet, you can also use our live chat or send a secure email.
Old patterns of behaviour can be returned to, especially at times of stress. This section is all about relapse prevention – how to prevent a relapse, and if you do slip, how to pick yourself up and get building again.
People from all over the world tend to want similar things in life in order to feel happy and satisfied. When people are happy with their lives, they’re less likely to get into trouble.
Being conviction of a sexual offence has lots of significant consequences. One of the main outcomes is being involved with the police and the criminal justice system.
Problem solving – the process of working through the details of a problem to reach a solution, is a skill which promotes good decision making and encourages confidence and emotional wellbeing.
Our confidential helpline is free and available to anyone concerned about the safety of children.
Lucy Faithfull Foundation offers support and advice for parents, carers, professionals, survivors and communities. Shore is for teenagers worried about sexual behaviour.
Our helpline 0808 1000 900
2 Birch House, Harris Business Park, Hanbury Road
Stoke Prior, Bromsgrove, B60 4DJ
Lucy Faithfull Foundation is a Registered Charity No. 1013025, and is a company limited by guarantee, Registered in England No. 2729957.
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