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Self help modules:

Self-care

This module aims to help you focus on looking after yourself so that you are able to undertake any changes needed to address your thoughts and behaviour.

Objectives

This module will help you explore and understand:

  • what self-care is and why it’s important
  • basic self-care strategies
  • how to create a self-care plan.

Module chapters

What is self-care?
Self-care means being mindful of our own needs to improve our own physical, mental and emotional health
Wellbeing assessment
If we are looking after our bodies, we will be able to think and feel better too
Exercise 1: setting self-care goals
Some self-care strategies are straightforward and easy to use on a daily basis, and others need more practice and attention but are hugely worthwhile
Self-care strategies
There are many strategies that can be helpful when feeling anxious, stressed discomfort, or emotional distress.
Exercise 2: using self-care strategies
Having thought about, and hopefully practiced, some of the self-care techniques, think about what you can add to your self-care plan
Useful organisations
Additional, useful organisations if you are concerned about your self-care
The importance of sleep
Most people say that good quality sleep is important to their general sense of well-being
Reflection: self-care
Self-care is an important element in your journey to understanding your risky online behaviour and moving away from it, towards a better future

What is self-care?

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What is self-care?

Self-care means being mindful of our own needs to improve our own physical, mental and emotional health. Self-care can take many different forms, ranging from making sure we get enough sleep to getting some fresh air for a few minutes. We’ll explain some of the different types of self-care and how they can help you.

Why is self-care important?

Self-care is particularly important when working through the information on this website. This work can be difficult, especially when feeling other strong emotions like anxiety or fear about the future. Making sure we find time for self-care can help us deal with the challenges we face in a positive way.

We also suggest doing this work in a way that feels emotionally and psychologically safe. This might mean involving a trusted family member, friend, or professional, so you don’t feel isolated and have someone to discuss the information with.

Regularly using strategies like breathing techniques, grounding, mindfulness, and self-compassion can help us to cope with difficult emotions, thoughts, and situations.

Self-care is important in helping you move away from risky and illegal behaviour. When people feel happy and content, they are far less likely to offend or re-offend. People often tell us that when they offended, their relationships with themselves and other people are strained. Focusing on self-care can help us to see ourselves in a more positive light and this can help to improve our relationships with others.

Wellbeing assessment

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Please complete the following wellbeing assessment that will ask about your physical, social, mental, spiritual and emotional self-care.

Exercise 1: setting self-care goals

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Self-care goals

Some self-care strategies are straightforward and easy to use on a daily basis, and others need more practice and attention but are hugely worthwhile.

It might help you to complete a self-care plan. There isn’t a one size fits all for this and will need to be tailored to meet your own needs. Think about what is going on in your life and which areas would benefit from attention and self-care – the scores that you gave for each of the sections above will help you.

Use the table below to set some goals to improve your self-care. You don’t need to have goals in all sections, particularly if the section is already high-scoring.

Area of your lifeGoal
Physical
  • No internet an hour before bed
  • Regular bedtime
  • Walk ten minutes every day
Social
  • Call a friend once a week
  • Join a club or do an activity to meet new people
Mental
  • Make a list of five things you like about yourself
  • Take a relaxing bath
  • Say no to things you don’t want to do – boundaries are important
Spiritual
  • Spend ten minutes meditating each day
  • Listen to a guided relaxation before bed
Emotional
  • Talk about how you feel with a trusted person
  • Keep a diary

Self-care strategies

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Self-care strategies

There are many strategies that can be helpful when feeling anxious, stressed discomfort, or emotional distress. Below are some examples and how to do them. Some strategies will be more effective than others for each person, and it is about finding out which works for you.

Click the below to find out more.

Regulating our breathing helps us to re-centre ourselves in the moment and to regain control of our bodies when we feel that we are overwhelmed. It can help to bring our heart rate back to a normal rate and reduce physiological signs and symptoms of anxiety. Breathing exercises can bring the most benefit when they are repeated often, such as daily.

Breathing technique 1: Slowing your breathing

We can do this exercise sitting or standing with both feet flat on the ground, roughly hip-width apart.  If sitting, arms should be placed on the chair arms. The breath should flow as deep down into the belly as is comfortable, without forcing it.

  • Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.
  • Breathe in gently and regularly. Some people find it helpful to count steadily from 1 to 5. You may not be able to reach 5 at first.
  • Then, without pausing or holding your breath, let it flow out gently, counting from 1 to 5 again if you find this helpful.
  • Keep doing this for 3 to 5 minutes.

Breathing technique 2: belly breathing

Belly breathing is easy to do and very relaxing. This basic exercise can be used at any time to relax or relieve stress.

  • Sit or lie flat in a comfortable position.
  • Put one hand on your belly just below your ribs and the other hand on your chest.
  • Take a deep breath in through your nose, and let your belly push your hand out. Your chest should not move.
  • Breathe out through pursed lips as if you were whistling. Feel the hand on your belly go in, and use it to push all the air out.
  • Do this breathing 3 to 10 times. Take your time with each breath.
  • Notice how you feel at the end of the exercise.

Breathing technique 3: roll breathing

Roll breathing helps to develop the full use of the lungs and to focus on the rhythm of breathing. This technique can be done in any position. However, whilst learning, it is best to lie on your back with your knees bent.

  • Put your left hand on your belly and your right hand on your chest. Notice how your hands move as you breathe in and out.
  • Practice filling your lower lungs by breathing so that your "belly" (left) hand goes up when you inhale and your "chest" (right) hand remains still. Always breathe in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth. Repeat 8 to 10 times.
  • When you have filled and emptied your lower lungs 8 to 10 times, add this second step to your breathing: inhale first into your lower lungs as before, and then continue inhaling into your upper chest. Breathe slowly and regularly. As you do so, your right hand will rise and your left hand will fall a little as your belly falls.
  • As you exhale slowly through your mouth, make a quiet, whooshing sound as first your left hand and then your right-hand fall. As you exhale, feel the tension leaving your body as you become more and more relaxed.
  • Practice breathing in and out in this way for 3 to 5 minutes. Notice that the movement of your belly and chest rises and falls like the motion of rolling waves.
  • Notice how you feel at the end of the exercise.

These websites have more information on breathing techniques:

These techniques can be particularly helpful when feeling worried and anxious about the past or what could happen in the future. They can help to redirect our thoughts away from traumatic memories, flashbacks, and distressing feelings and bring us back to the here and now.

There are many different types of grounding techniques. They aren’t always easy and it can take practice before they begin to work well for you, so don’t give up if they don’t seem to help immediately. It is important to use the techniques as early as you can when you begin to experience distress – although they are a useful technique to practice generally, whether feeling distressed or not.

Grounding exercise 1: 5-4-3-2-1 method

Acknowledge five things you can see around you; four things you can touch around you; three things you can hear around you; two things you can smell and one thing you can taste.

The aim of this technique is to focus on the world around you so that you are less focused on what is making you feel anxious, worried, or distressed.

Grounding exercise 2: categories

Choose one or two broad categories such as cities, dog breeds, or ice cream flavours, and list as many as you can within that category. Alternatively, try reciting the alphabet backwards or practicing times tables.

Again, the purpose of these exercises is to focus your attention on something other than whatever is making you feel ungrounded.

Grounding exercise 3: body scanning

In a sitting or standing position, focus on each part of your body and how it feels. Try not to assign judgement to this process – for example, if you notice that your chest feels tight, do not begin to reflect on why that might be. Instead, identify how each body part feels and then move on to the next. Close your eyes if that helps you to focus on the exercise.

Begin by taking some deep breaths and then bring your awareness to where your body makes contact with the floor or chair. Begin by scanning your left foot for any sensations, moving up your calf and thigh. Then move to the right leg and follow the same order. It is ok if you don’t feel anything, just observe that and move on. Then focus on your stomach, feeling it rise and fall with your breath. Next focus on your left hand and arm. Bring curiosity to your scanning, continuing to notice any sensations. Continue with your right hand and work up the arm. Move to your chest, scanning upwards to your neck, face, jaw, and throat. Pay attention to any sensations in your head, ears, and the back of your neck. Finally, think of your body as a whole, noticing how they all connect. Stay alert to any sensations that you experience and notice them without judgement.

It is likely that your mind will wander during this exercise. This is expected. Simply remind yourself to refocus and return to concentrating on the breath and the body scan.

These websites have more information on breathing techniques:

It can be useful in situations where we feel overwhelmed and disoriented by things like work or personal lives, but also when we need to give ourselves some self-care to maintain our emotional wellbeing. Some people find it helpful for mindfulness exercises to be built into their everyday routine, even if only for a few minutes.

How to practice mindfulness

  • Use a mindfulness app or video – search online for “mindfulness” or “guided meditation”.
  • Breathing exercises focus your attention on your breathing, its rhythm, and how each inhale and exhale of breath feels and makes your body respond.
  • Meditation, sitting quietly and away from distractions, focusing on your thoughts, sensations you are experiencing, the sounds around you, and your environment. If your mind starts to move on to other things, bring it back to the task at hand.

More information on mindfulness

Useful organisations

  • Anxiety UK offers advice and support for people living with anxiety.
  • B-eat provides information and support for people affected by eating disorders.
  • Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) supports men's mental health.
  • FRANK provides confidential drug advice and information.
  • Hearing Voices Network runs an online forum and local groups across the country.
  • Mind Out offers mental health advice and support for anyone who identifies as LGBTQ+.
  • No Panic offers help and advice about anxiety disorders, including a helpline and recovery groups.
  • OCD Action gives support and information to anybody affected by OCD, including POCD.
  • StudentMinds supports students with their mental health.
  • YoungMinds supports children and young people with their mental health.

Exercise 2: using self-care strategies

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Using self-care strategies

Having thought about, and hopefully practiced, some of the self-care techniques, think about what you can add to your self-care plan. Using the original template, consider what other techniques and resources will be helpful for you, and add these to the bottom two rows of your plan.

Area of your life 
Goal
Physical 
Social 
Mental 
Spiritual 
Emotional 
Self-care techniques that work for me 
Useful resources 

Useful organisations

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  • Anxiety UK offers advice and support for people living with anxiety.
  • B-eat provides information and support for people affected by eating disorders.
  • Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) supports men’s mental health.
  • FRANK provides confidential drug advice and information.
  • Hearing Voices Network runs an online forum and local groups across the country.
  • Mind Out offers mental health advice and support for anyone who identifies as LGBTQ+.
  • No Panic offers help and advice about anxiety disorders, including a helpline and recovery groups.
  • OCD Action gives support and information to anybody affected by OCD, including POCD.
  • StudentMinds supports students with their mental health.
  • YoungMinds supports children and young people with their mental health.

The importance of sleep

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Most people say that good quality sleep is important to their general sense of well-being.

Many people who have problems related to fantasies about children, sexual preoccupation and problematic pornography use say that these difficulties can be especially tough at night, often disrupting their sleep.

Problematic sexual fantasies may be more readily triggered in the bedroom, last thing at night, if this has become your routine.

Tips to help you sleep

Following routines and practices can help good quality sleep. This is sometimes called ‘sleep hygiene’. Here are some things to try.

  • Stick to a regular pattern by aiming to wake up and go to bed at the same times every day of the week. Some people choose to stay up and wake much later during the weekends, which tends to disrupt the sleep pattern into the following week.
  • Avoid daytime napping. If you do nap, it is best to avoid napping for longer than 30 minutes.
  • Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine and food consumption too close to bedtime. Tea, coffee, colas drinks and chocolate with caffeine can disrupt sleep if consumed in the evening.
  • Regular exercise can help you sleep well.
  • Daily exposure to natural light helps to maintain a healthy sleep-wake cycle.
  • Use your bed for sleep, rather than as a place to read, watch TV, listen to the radio, or use your phone, laptop or tablet. That way, the bed becomes associated with sleep rather than with these other activities.
  • Think about whether your bedroom might be making it harder for you to sleep, for example, temperature, uncomfortable bed, inadequate curtains or blinds).
  • Try to avoid mentally engaging in activities close to bedtime. It can take some time for the mind to switch off and if you are feeling alert you are less likely to fall asleep.

It might take some time before the positive changes you make to your sleep routines take effect. If you regularly find you are having problems with your sleep-wake cycles or are feeling sleepy during the daytime, you should take advice from your GP.

Reflection: self-care

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Reflection

Think about:
  • how has your understanding of self-care improved since you began this module?
  • has this module motivated you to find out more about self-care strategies?
  • how committed are you to your self-care plan?

Self-care is an important element in your journey to understanding your risky online behaviour and moving away from it, towards a better future. Investing time in self-care will enable you to feel more resilient when undertaking the upcoming modules. We would encourage you to factor in self-care after each session of working through these self-help modules.

Talk to us if you need support

The experienced advisors on our confidential helpline can support you if you want to discuss anything covered in this module, have struggled when working through it, or want to go through the information with a practitioner to guide you. You can stay anonymous and don’t have to give your real name, location, or any contact details. If you’re not ready to speak to anyone yet, you can also use our live chat or send a secure email.

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Wellbeing and self-care

These sections will help you learn healthy ways to communicate, express yourself and challenge negative self-talk to improve your self-esteem.

View modules

Self-care

This module aims to help you focus on looking after yourself so that you are able to undertake any changes needed to address your thoughts and behaviour.

What is self-care?
Self-care means being mindful of our own needs to improve our own physical, mental and emotional health
Wellbeing assessment
If we are looking after our bodies, we will be able to think and feel better too
Exercise 1: setting self-care goals
Some self-care strategies are straightforward and easy to use on a daily basis, and others need more practice and attention but are hugely worthwhile
Self-care strategies
There are many strategies that can be helpful when feeling anxious, stressed discomfort, or emotional distress.
Exercise 2: using self-care strategies
Having thought about, and hopefully practiced, some of the self-care techniques, think about what you can add to your self-care plan
Useful organisations
Additional, useful organisations if you are concerned about your self-care
The importance of sleep
Most people say that good quality sleep is important to their general sense of well-being
Reflection: self-care
Self-care is an important element in your journey to understanding your risky online behaviour and moving away from it, towards a better future
Visit the module
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Recognising and dealing with feelings

The exercises in this module aim to help you get more in tune with your body so that you notice how it is responding in different situations.

Recognising and dealing with feelings
Emotions are the sensations in the body as a result of something that happens to us.
How thoughts affect feelings
Our thoughts, values and beliefs all affect how we interpret our emotions
Dealing with anger, worry and stress
The following will help you deal with some common negative emotions but can also be applied to others.
Reflection: recognising and dealing with feelings
Reflecting on what you learnt about your feelings and emotions
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Understanding thoughts, feelings and behaviours

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of the interaction between thoughts, feelings and behaviours so you can notice inappropriate sexual fantasies and behaviours.

The link between thoughts, feelings and behaviour
Although sexual behaviour can be influenced by numerous factors, it is not outside of your control
Exercise 1: Understanding thoughts, feelings and behaviours
You need to change the problematic thoughts and feelings which influence your behaviour
Exercise 2: Understanding thoughts, feelings and behaviours
Remember that sexual thoughts, whatever they are, don’t determine behaviour by themselves
Sexual fantasy
A sexual fantasy can lead to a physical response in our body and/or a bodily response can trigger a sexual fantasy
Exercise: Fantasy diary
Create a fantasy diary to keep a record of your fantasies
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Managing thoughts, feelings and behaviours

This module helps you to develop strategies to help you deal with difficult thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

Management strategies
Strategies to manage inappropriate thoughts and behaviours
Common thinking errors
How you think about a situation can impact on your ability to successfully address thinking patterns or behaviour
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Motivation to change

Identify where you are in your readiness to make changes and take initial steps to change harmful behaviours.

The stages of change
‘Change’ means different things for different people and each person will have different goals when using this guide.
Setting goals
Think about some positive goals that will help you move towards being the person you want to be
Short term changes to your concerning thoughts and behaviour
It can also be useful to make some changes specifically connected to problematic behaviour.
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Self-talk

The conversations you have with yourself can be destructive or beneficial. They influence how you feel about yourself and how you respond to events in your life. This module helps you recognise negative self-talk and change your inner voice.

Self-talk
What you say to yourself in your mind is called self-talk.
Changing negative to positive self-talk
You need to be aware of the nature of your self-talk and be determined to shift any negative thinking to positive
Reflection: self-talk
Keep a diary for a week of any negative things you say to yourself.
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Self-esteem and assertiveness

The role self-esteem plays in helping create an offence free life.

Self-esteem
Self-esteem is how we value ourselves; it is how we perceive our value to the world and how valuable we think we are to other people
Feeling positive and healthy
It is also important to feel positive and healthy
Learn to be assertive
People with low self-esteem often struggle to be assertive; this can be because they don’t feel they deserve to be listened to
Reflection: self esteem and assertiveness
Self-praise is an important part of improving your self-esteem, while it may feel uncomfortable at first
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Guilt and shame

This module aims to help you recognise if you’re feeling shame and ways you can overcome it so that you can build a positive and offence free life.

What are guilt and shame?
Guilt and shame are often talked about as the same emotions but there are some key differences.
Exercise: recognising shame
We can experience and recognise shame in different ways, including physical, emotional and behavioural signs.
How to deal with shame
Techniques you can use to manage your feelings of shame
Guilt and shame – reflection
Holding on to shame can affect your ability to move forward positively
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Contact us

Our confidential helpline is free and available to anyone concerned about the safety of children.

0808 1000 900
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Lucy Faithfull Foundation offers support and advice for parents, carers, professionals, survivors and communities. Shore is for teenagers worried about sexual behaviour. 

Our helpline 0808 1000 900

2 Birch House, Harris Business Park, Hanbury Road 
Stoke Prior, Bromsgrove, B60 4DJ

Lucy Faithfull Foundation is a Registered Charity No. 1013025, and is a company limited by guarantee, Registered in England No. 2729957.

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