Self help modules:
This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of your motivation for engaging sexually with children online and how your behaviour progressed into sexual communication.
This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of:
Following new legislation in April 2017 in England and Wales (and existing legislation in Scotland and Northern Ireland), an adult is committing a criminal offence if they intentionally communicate with someone under the age of 16 for the purposes of sexual gratification.
Sexual communication with a child is often referred to as online grooming. It can take many forms and with different motivations. All forms are regarded as child sexual abuse. They are illegal and cause harm.
Some people communicate sexually with a child or children online because they find it sexually arousing. Other people do so in order to persuade children to send them sexual images or videos of themselves. Some people communicate sexually with children online because they want to meet the child offline in order to sexually interact with them. These behaviours can overlap, so that it’s not always clear at the outset what someone really wants from their sexual communication.
People’s behaviour varies too. For example, many people engaging in this behaviour report having sexual contact with lots of children online, and sending sexual pictures of themselves to the children, too. Other people may communicate sexually with only one child.
Some introduce the topic of sex very quickly, whereas others will engage in ‘grooming behaviours’, where they spend time building rapport and establishing trust with a child before the issue of sex is raised.
Below are some examples of people who have engaged in sexual communication with children online, which show the different aspect of the behaviour.
Considering these examples, did you recognise any of your own behaviours? Were you able to relate to any aspects of the person’s situation?
Some people tell us that their interaction with children was not only motivated by sex. Instead some people talk about wanting to feel understood, or enjoying the connection with the child they are speaking to.
Our experience is that people’s motivations are often about more things than simply sexual pleasure. As such, it is important to consider your motives, so that you are able to manage your behaviour more responsibly in the future.
Many of the motivations noted in the Understanding Why module will also be relevant for people who have communicated sexually with children online. Take a look and see which might have been significant for you. You might find it helpful to complete the timeline exercise, if you haven’t done so already.
What do your answers to the above questions, tell you about your motivations?
What do they say about how you viewed the child or children you chatted to?
And what was the likelihood of you meeting up with a child you had chatted to online? What stopped you?
To change behaviour, it’s important to recognise and understand the patterns in past behaviour. This can help us know the signs of the behaviour repeating itself and help us think about how we can change for the better.
Thinking about your online behaviour, what examples can you identify for each stage?
Remember that not every stage will be relevant for everyone. For example, some people do not try to make friends with the child concerned, or to form a relationship with them. But other people do. The difference often says a lot about people’s motivations. You can download this exercise here.
| Stages | My own behaviours |
| Friendship forming | |
| Relationship forming | |
| Avoiding detection | |
| Sexual behaviour |
Some people find it more helpful to think of their behaviour as following a repeated pattern rather than, for example, the stages set out above. As with the stages above, considering your behaviour patterns can help you to understand the form your behaviour took, and the factors involved in your decision making. This will put you in a position where you can recognise this and change your behaviour so it is not repeated in the future.
The cycle below is based on the work of de Santisteban et al (2018). Just like with the stages above, how a person moves through the cycle will be unique to them, and is likely to have changed over time as their behaviour developed. Not every stage will apply to everyone.
Look at the cycle below and think about how each stage might have applied to your online sexual behaviour towards a particular child or children, in general. You might also find it useful to consider one of the examples from earlier and how this person might apply to the cycle.
As you do this exercise, think about how your behaviour changed over time. Which stages of the cycle were most relevant for you? How has your thinking changed? How did the sexual communication arise? What do you think of your old justifications now?
Click on the stages of the cycle below for a full description of each stage.
As well as ideas like the Triple A model, this is about how people perceive the internet as a place where they can express themselves sexually more openly. For example, some people might feel more confident talking to adults and/or children about sex online than offline. Or they might feel that they can portray themselves with more confidence or as being more attractive etc.
To read more about the Triple A model, and consider these aspects of the internet, you might find it useful to look at the Online World module.
This is about how people make their initial contact with children online.
Although persuasion may occur throughout someone’s contact with children, we know that people can engage a child or children in conversation, for example, by the use of a false profile, by using the language of children or adolescents.
Having started the initial conversation, some adults may take an interest in other aspects of the child’s life. This is about strengthening their relationship with the child.
This stage is about how someone might persuade a child to do what they want them to, such as to send sexual images or videos of themselves.
This is the sexual behaviour itself, for example, the exchange of sexual videos and images; offline sexual contact; one-off sexual encounters; sustained sexual contact with the same child over time etc.
These are the things people say to themselves to justify their behaviour and to feel OK about it. These might include:
The idea is that these justifications then make it more likely that the person will carry on with their behaviour, and so go back round the cycle, perhaps many times.
It is important to recognise these justifications, so that you can challenge them in the future. Once you have identified some of the justifications you used, you could consider a response to dissuade yourself from engaging in the behaviour in the future.
Use the table below to consider your justifications at the time and responses now. You should repeat all the phrases you write in the “Responses” column in your head, so that this sort of thinking becomes automatic if you start to experience the justifications again.
Some examples are provided.
Use the table below to consider your justifications at the time and responses now. You should repeat all the phrases you write in the “Responses” column in your head, so that this sort of thinking becomes automatic if you start to experience the justifications again.
Some examples are provided.
| Justifications | Responses |
| “S/he led me on.” | “They are a child. They are not able to consent to the sexual communication.” |
| “I’m only talking to them.” | “These conversation are still harmful to children” |
| “They could stop if they want to.” | “I’m the adult, it’s my responsibility to stop.” |
You can use our helpline, live chat or secure email servicefor confidential support from our experienced advisors if you want to discuss anything covered in this module, have struggled when working through it, or want to go through the information with a practitioner to guide you.
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This module will help you explore and understand your current sexual and non-sexual fantasies, and the link between your fantasies and your online behaviour
If you are concerned about your worrying or illegal online sexual behaviour and want to stop this behaviour, it is important for you to learn as much as possible about yourself and what you are doing.
This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding your level of control over your current online sexual behaviours, how you have used denial to allow your problematic behaviour to continue and how to make immediate changes to start the change process.
Sexual offending happens in the offline and online world. But some people we work with often tell us they would not have offended without the internet, apps or smartphones.
This module will help you understand, different types of triggers and your own triggers
If you are viewing legal adult pornography then this is your choice and we are not here to shame you for using it or to tell you to stop. But this self-help section will encourage you to think about whether viewing legal adult pornography is helpful or harmful for you.
This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of how you can start to address your addictions.
This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of your motivation for engaging sexually with children online, how your behaviour progressed into sexual communication and how you might have justified your behaviour.
This module will help you understand the false justifications offenders use to avoid responsibility for their actions, that these images are of real children being abused and the effects of being photographed on the children in the image.
This module aims to help you to explore and gain understanding of why you collect, how it links to your offending and the relationship between collecting and some of the unsatisfactory aspects of your life.
This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of why immediate gratification is so powerful and how to manage the desire of immediate gratification.
Our confidential helpline is free and available to anyone concerned about the safety of children.
Lucy Faithfull Foundation offers support and advice for parents, carers, professionals, survivors and communities. Shore is for teenagers worried about sexual behaviour.
Our helpline 0808 1000 900
2 Birch House, Harris Business Park, Hanbury Road
Stoke Prior, Bromsgrove, B60 4DJ
Lucy Faithfull Foundation is a Registered Charity No. 1013025, and is a company limited by guarantee, Registered in England No. 2729957.
