Self help modules:
This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of the interaction between thoughts, feelings and behaviours so you can notice inappropriate sexual fantasies and behaviours.
This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of the following:
Although sexual behaviour can be influenced by numerous factors, it is not outside of your control. Sexual offending is not something that just happens on the spur of moment and often appears as a cycle or pattern that can become automatic and can occur repeatedly, becoming somewhat part of a routine.
Thoughts include all mental activity; ideas, opinions, beliefs, values, judgements and impressions. Thoughts are the voice in our head which govern what we do. We are not always aware of our thoughts but they are always there.
Thoughts can be automatic, fleeting or more prolonged. Thought processes provide us with the capacity to reason, use logic, common sense and put ideas together. Your mind is seldom empty of thoughts; even when you are asleep your mind is active.
Feelings are emotions and moods that often occur after thoughts and are internal reactions to things going on around and within us. Thoughts and feelings are closely linked; either one may happen first, closely followed by the other.
Behaviour is what you do; your actions as a result of what you think and feel.
Behaviour, thoughts and feelings are connected. Problematic sexual behaviour is influenced by problematic sexual thoughts and feelings, so in order to stop this behaviour, it is important to become aware of the nature of the thoughts and feelings and to manage/change them.
The diagram below demonstrates how thoughts, feelings and behaviour are connected, and interact and influence one another. Sometimes people are able to take responsibility for their behaviour but struggle to understand the thoughts and feelings that were driving the behaviour. If you have engaged in problematic behaviour, these modules can help you to explore the thoughts and feelings underpinning that behaviour.
If you are worried about your sexual thoughts, but have not acted on those thoughts, we hope these modules will help you to gain a greater understanding and put measures in place to manage them.
You need to change the problematic thoughts and feelings which influence your behaviour.
Think about your unhelpful sexual thoughts by answering these questions:
From the answers to these questions you will have started to identify your pattern of thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Remember that sexual thoughts, whatever they are, don’t determine behaviour by themselves. It is possible to manage the sexual thoughts that concern you.
In this section, when we are talking about ‘sexual fantasy’, we are referring to something that is imagined which you find sexually arousing.
A fantasy is something we imagine. It is more than just a fleeting thought. A fantasy is usually a longer scenario we play out in our mind.
It could be thinking about a specific person, someone you know or imaginary, or even be about you in a scenario on your own. It might be about a situation that could possibly happen in the future, re-running something in your head that you have seen or that has happened to you before (e.g., fantasising about a scene in a movie or about someone you met) or something sexual that you don’t think could ever realistically happen in real life (e.g., having sex with a famous person or having superhuman powers).
It is important to recognise that sexual fantasy can involve thinking about things, people or situations that would not necessarily be obviously sexual to other people.
A sexual fantasy can lead to a physical response in our body and/or a bodily response can trigger a sexual fantasy. Often, this bodily response is sexual arousal.
Sexual arousal can be considered as a continuum, which begins with the trigger of the arousal (a ‘stimulus’ that starts the arousal). This could be something external in your environment, like seeing someone you find attractive, or it could be something internal in your mind, like a spontaneous memory. Arousal increases if you act on it.
For example, if you engage in a sexual fantasy, masturbate or look at sexual images, the arousal will continue to increase until it plateaus for a while. Continuing to engage with the fantasy or sexual behaviour can lead to orgasm, followed by a decrease in arousal.
Although the initial sexual arousal may not be a reaction you can control, all along the continuum, the arousal can be controlled and interrupted – if you wish to do so – right up until the point of orgasm has begun. However, the desire and motivation to stop the process typically reduces the further along the continuum you allow yourself to progress.
Whether a particular fantasy is considered ‘unhealthy’ can vary from person to person; for example, it is more appropriate for a 20-year-old person to have sexual fantasies about an 18-year-old, than a 60-year-old person.
There are also fantasies that strengthen attraction to children. For example if you fantasise about having sex with your partner who is dressed in school uniform, or doing a role play of a adult/child relationship e.g. father/daughter or teacher/pupil then for someone who has a sexual interest in children, it may be unhelpful as it might reinforce the attraction or increase the desire towards children. This can be amplified if the fantasy is acted out with the partner.
A good starting point in considering if your fantasies are problematic is to look at your fantasies in more detail. The exercises below will help you to start to doing this by exploring your triggers to your fantasies.
Over the next week create a fantasy diary to keep a record of your fantasies. Do not write down the content of the fantasy but consider the questions below..
Note down:
Please note that this doesn’t work for everyone; some people find it arousing to keep a fantasy diary. If this happens please stop.
This module aims to help you focus on looking after yourself so that you are able to undertake any changes needed to address your thoughts and behaviour.
The exercises in this module aim to help you get more in tune with your body so that you notice how it is responding in different situations.
This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of the interaction between thoughts, feelings and behaviours so you can notice inappropriate sexual fantasies and behaviours.
This module helps you to develop strategies to help you deal with difficult thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
Identify where you are in your readiness to make changes and take initial steps to change harmful behaviours.
The conversations you have with yourself can be destructive or beneficial. They influence how you feel about yourself and how you respond to events in your life. This module helps you recognise negative self-talk and change your inner voice.
The role self-esteem plays in helping create an offence free life.
This module aims to help you recognise if you’re feeling shame and ways you can overcome it so that you can build a positive and offence free life.
Our confidential helpline is free and available to anyone concerned about the safety of children.
Lucy Faithfull Foundation offers support and advice for parents, carers, professionals, survivors and communities. Shore is for teenagers worried about sexual behaviour.
Our helpline 0808 1000 900
2 Birch House, Harris Business Park, Hanbury Road
Stoke Prior, Bromsgrove, B60 4DJ
Lucy Faithfull Foundation is a Registered Charity No. 1013025, and is a company limited by guarantee, Registered in England No. 2729957.
