Self help modules:
This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of the interaction between thoughts, feelings and behaviours so you can notice inappropriate sexual fantasies and behaviours.
Although sexual behaviour can be influenced by numerous factors, it is not outside of your control. Sexual offending is not something that just happens on the spur of moment and often appears as a cycle or pattern that can become automatic and can occur repeatedly, becoming somewhat part of a routine.
Thoughts include all mental activity; ideas, opinions, beliefs, values, judgements and impressions. Thoughts are the way we make sense of situations, ourselves and others. We are not always aware of our thoughts but they are always there.
Thoughts can be automatic, fleeting or more prolonged. Thought processes provide us with the capacity to reason, use logic, common sense and put ideas together. Your mind is seldom empty of thoughts; even when you are asleep your mind is active.
Feelings are emotions and moods that often occur after thoughts and are internal reactions to things going on around and within us. Thoughts and feelings are closely linked; either one may happen first, closely followed by the other.
Behaviour is what you do; your actions as a result of what you think and feel.
Behaviour, thoughts and feelings are connected. Problematic sexual behaviour is influenced by problematic sexual thoughts and feelings, so in order to stop this behaviour, it is important to become aware of the nature of the thoughts and feelings and to manage/change them.
The diagram below demonstrates how thoughts, feelings and behaviour are connected, and interact and influence one another. Sometimes people are able to take responsibility for their behaviour but struggle to understand the thoughts and feelings that were driving the behaviour. If you have engaged in problematic behaviour, these modules can help you to explore the thoughts and feelings underpinning that behaviour.
If you are worried about your sexual thoughts, but have not acted on those thoughts, we hope these modules will help you to gain a greater understanding and put measures in place to manage them.
You need to change the problematic thoughts and feelings which influence your behaviour.
Think about your unhelpful sexual thoughts by answering these questions:
From the answers to these questions you will have started to identify your pattern of thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Remember that sexual thoughts, whatever they are, don’t determine behaviour by themselves. It is possible to manage the sexual thoughts that concern you.
We have noticed how our thoughts affect our feelings, but our feelings can also affect our thoughts. Our thoughts, values and beliefs all affect how we interpret our emotions.
For example, if you are starting a new job, you are likely to get butterflies in your tummy, feel shaky and start sweating. If you struggle with your self-esteem you might think this means that you are feeling nervous because you are not going to do well, and you will have to talk to new people which you find really hard. These thoughts will then heighten those emotions and increase the nerves. However, if you see these nerves as something positive you might think this is due to your excitement at who you might meet and getting to do something new. We are now going to explore how we can have compassionate or critical thinking and how this affects how we manage our emotions.
Compassionate and critical thinking can be about ourselves, our situation and other people. So, they affect how we feel about ourselves and others. For example, an individual who feels powerless may lose motivation and believe that there is no point in trying, as he will not succeed. He may withdraw and isolate himself. Similarly, an individual who ruminates on problems and focuses on negatives is unlikely to see the positives in other people or situations and this can increase his feelings of isolation.
If you are unsure of compassionate and critical thinking (otherwise known as self-talk) then please work through our self-talk section.
Critical thinking tends to exacerbate difficult feelings such as stress, worry, anxiety and frustration.
Compassionate thinking relieves feelings and helps us to act in a way that meets our true needs.
Start keeping a list of situations where you notice critical thoughts.
With each of these, identify the associated feelings and behaviours.
Here is an example:
Situation – Saying hello to a colleague who doesn’t respond
Thought– ‘they hate me’
Feeling – rejection
Behaviour – stop talking to them
Then start thinking of other reasons:
Start to see if you notice any difference in your feelings once you think of alternative reasons. You will probably notice the feelings are more positive.
Now think about your sexual thoughts and behaviour. Can you identify any feelings and critical thoughts about yourself or others that might contribute to sexual offending?
An example of this might be:
Spend some time reflecting on your critical thinking. If you need additional information on what these are then there is a downloadable sheet which has been created by Psychology Tools (psychologytools.org).
This module aims to help you focus on looking after yourself so that you are able to undertake any changes needed to address your thoughts and behaviour.
Identify where you are in your readiness to make changes and take initial steps to change harmful behaviours.
The exercises in this module aim to help you get more in tune with your body so that you notice how it is responding in different situations.
This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of the interaction between thoughts, feelings and behaviours so you can notice inappropriate sexual fantasies and behaviours.
This module helps you to develop strategies to help you deal with difficult thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
The conversations you have with yourself can be destructive or beneficial. They influence how you feel about yourself and how you respond to events in your life. This module helps you recognise negative self-talk and change your inner voice.
The role self-esteem plays in helping create an offence free life.
This module aims to help you recognise if you’re feeling shame and ways you can overcome it so that you can build a positive and offence free life.
Problem solving – the process of working through the details of a problem to reach a solution, is a skill which promotes good decision making and encourages confidence and emotional wellbeing.
Our confidential helpline is free and available to anyone concerned about the safety of children.
Are you aged 18 or over?
Help us understand how warning messages can prevent or stop access to sexual images and videos of children.
The survey is anonymous and takes around 20 minutes.
