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Self help topic:

Concerned about your thoughts or behaviour?

Self-help, information and support for people troubled by their sexual thoughts about children and young people.

Having sexual thoughts about children doesn’t always lead to sexual behaviour. You have the power to choose how you behave and this guide gives you information and tools to manage your thoughts, feelings and actions effectively. By recognising and valuing your positive qualities and behaviour, you’ll be motivated and encouraged to reduce your risk of offending.

This section is based on our experience of working with people who have experienced sexual thoughts about children, incorporating their feedback and suggestions.

You can work through these in order, but there may be ones that feel more important to you that you want to address first. We encourage you to explore all the sections, even if you feel confident in some areas, as you may still find them helpful.

Problem of immediate gratification

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of:

  • Why immediate gratification is so powerful
  • how to manage the desire of immediate gratification
Immediate gratification
understand why you prioritised your immediate needs despite the consequences
What can you do?
One way to counter the power of instant gratification is to think about how you will feel if you do the behaviour, compared to how you feel if you don’t
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Triggers and warning signs

This module will help you to explore, different types of triggers, your own triggers, potential warning signs of sexual abuse, including grooming and situational and environmental risks.

Types of triggers
‘Triggers’ are what precede (come before) your thoughts, feelings and behaviours, and can cause emotional and behavioural responses
Warning signs
Warning signs are the things that alert us and other people that something is wrong or that there this a potential danger or hazard
Triggers: situational and environmental risks
Situations can provide the ingredients for a chain of unhealthy behaviours and trigger the offence cycle
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Taking responsibility of your sexual behaviour

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of Immediate changes to help you take control of your behaviour How you may have used justifications to allow your problematic behaviour(s) to continue

Making changes
Change can be hard and take time. It is important that you have strategies to manage your behaviour in the short term whilst you work through the modules
Minimising or excusing behaviour
If you do something that you know is wrong and does not fit with your values and beliefs such as harming a child, then people will often use excuses, justifications or minimise the impact of their behaviour
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Fantasies

This module will help you explore and understand your current sexual and non-sexual fantasies, and the link between your fantasies and your online behaviour

Fantasies
In this section, when we are talking about ‘sexual fantasy’, we are referring to something that is imagined which you find sexually arousing
Appropriate versus inappropriate fantasy
So what are appropriate and inappropriate fantasies? We split inappropriate fantasies into three sections
Exercise: appropriate versus inappropriate fantasy
Have you recently had a fantasy about a child? If you have, then without thinking about it in too much detail, work through these questions one at a time and see if these help you think about your fantasies differently
Exercise: When fantasy becomes a problem
A good starting point in considering if your fantasies are problematic is to look at your fantasies in more detail.
Exercise: a fantasy management technique
Many individuals use fantasy management techniques to help stop having these harmful sexual fantasies.
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Living with unusual sexual interests

This section is designed to help you explain terminology around unusual sexual interests (paraphilias) and learn how to lead a healthy life with these interests.

Terminology
A paraphilia involves persistent sexual arousal toward something seen as unusual or outside the norm. This can vary over time, place, and culture
Exploring your sexual interest
A person can have different sexual interests that include a wide range of preferences, but there might be one group that holds the strongest appeal
Practice self compassion
Living with a sexual interest in children has challenges
Make a promise to yourself
If you find yourself struggling with a sexual interest or preference for children, you may have encountered challenges along this journey
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Understanding motivations

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of problematic sexual behaviours, motivations, patterns and trends.

Motivation
Sexual behaviour is influenced by your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values and experiences; however, it is not beyond your control
Exercise 1: making your timeline
In order to understand where your problematic sexual behaviours began, it is helpful to identify what was happening in your life at that time
Exercise 2: digging deeper
To further explore and reflect on your timeline, think about how each point on your timeline made you feel
Problematic behaviour
Although sexual behaviour can be influenced by numerous factors, it is not outside of your control
Cognitive distortions
Cognitive distortions are thinking errors which we use to minimise, justify and excuse behaviours
The offence cycle
A ‘cycle’ consists of a pattern of behaviour where the end leads you back to the beginning and the whole pattern repeats itself over and over again
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More self-help topics available
View other subtopics
Moving forward

Self-help, information and support on how to continue moving forward, disclose your offending and build a fulfilling life.

Moving forward
Wellbeing and self-care

These sections will help you learn healthy ways to communicate, express yourself and challenge negative self-talk to improve your self-esteem.

Wellbeing and self-care
Concerned about your online behaviour

Many people who have engaged in online sexual behaviour involving children believe that there is a ‘grey area’ between what is legal and illegal. There is not.

Concerned about your online behaviour
Contact us

Our confidential helpline is free and available to anyone concerned about child sexual abuse.

0808 1000 900
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Lucy Faithfull Foundation offers support and advice for parents, carers, professionals, survivors and communities. Shore is for teenagers worried about sexual behaviour. 

Our helpline 0808 1000 900

2 Birch House, Harris Business Park, Hanbury Road 
Stoke Prior, Bromsgrove, B60 4DJ

Lucy Faithfull Foundation is a Registered Charity No. 1013025, and is a company limited by guarantee, Registered in England No. 2729957.

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