Survivors

Have you or a loved one been a victim of child sexual abuse?

We can support survivors by helping them make sense of what happened, think about whether they are ready to talk about what happened to someone they know or consider reporting the abuse. We can also guide people in how they make sense of being a survivor and the impact on their own parenting, sometimes people worry they are hypervigilant to abuse so we can help raise awareness of warning signs and talk through anxieties. If someone is worried about what happened to them and how it affected their own behaviour either as a child or an adult we can help explore this and advise on actions they can take to move forward positively.

If you suffered abuse as a child or you are a young person currently suffering abuse, help is available.

The experienced advisors on our confidential helpline can talk through how you are currently feeling and help guide and support you. If you’re not ready to speak to someone yet, you can use our live chat or send us a secure message.

Many children are unable to tell anyone they are being abused, and it can remain difficult to tell anyone as adults. Sadly, the impact of abuse may strike at any time and it is important that help is available when people need it.

Over the years we have helped hundreds of survivors take their first steps into exploring what happened to them. Some feel guilty and responsible for what happened and think they should have stopped it. But abuse is never the fault of the child victim.

It can be very overwhelming to talk about child sexual abuse. It is important that you look after yourself if you are affected in any way. Here are some calming techniques to help if you feel immediately overwhelmed.

Calming techniques

Different things can help when we are feeling anxious, stressed, uncomfortable or emotionally distressed. Some strategies will be more effective than others for different people, and it is about finding out which ones work for you. Here are some examples.

Breathing techniques

Regulating our breathing helps us to re-centre ourselves in the moment and to regain control of our bodies when we feel that we are overwhelmed.

It can help to bring our racing heart back to a normal rate and reduce physiological signs and symptoms of anxiety. Breathing exercises can bring the most benefit when they are repeated regularly, such as daily.

Breathing technique 1: Slowing your breathing

We can do this exercise sitting or standing with both feet flat on the ground, roughly hip-width apart. If sitting, arms should be placed on the chair arms. The breath should flow as deep down into the belly as is comfortable, without forcing it.

Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.

Breathe in gently and regularly. Some people find it helpful to count steadily from 1 to 5. You may not be able to reach 5 at first.

Then, without pausing or holding your breath, let it flow out gently, counting from 1 to 5 again if you find this helpful.

Keep doing this for 3 to 5 minutes.

Breathing technique 2: belly breathing

Belly breathing is easy to do and very relaxing. This basic exercise can be used at any time to relax or relieve stress.

Sit or lie flat in a comfortable position.

Put one hand on your belly just below your ribs and the other hand on your chest.

Take a deep breath in through your nose, and let your belly push your hand out. Your chest should not move.

Breathe out through pursed lips as if you were whistling. Feel the hand on your belly go in, and use it to push all the air out.

Do this breathing 3 to 10 times. Take your time with each breath.

Notice how you feel at the end of the exercise.

Breathing technique 3: roll breathing

Roll breathing helps to develop the full use of the lungs and to focus on the rhythm of breathing. This technique can be done in any position. However, whilst learning, it is best to lie on your back with your knees bent.

Put your left hand on your belly and your right hand on your chest. Notice how your hands move as you breathe in and out.

Practice filling your lower lungs by breathing so that your "belly" (left) hand goes up when you inhale and your "chest" (right) hand remains still. Always breathe in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth. Repeat 8 to 10 times.

When you have filled and emptied your lower lungs 8 to 10 times, add this second step to your breathing: inhale first into your lower lungs as before, and then continue inhaling into your upper chest. Breathe slowly and regularly. As you do so, your right hand will rise and your left hand will fall a little as your belly falls.

As you exhale slowly through your mouth, make a quiet, whooshing sound as first your left hand and then your right-hand fall. As you exhale, feel the tension leaving your body as you become more and more relaxed.

Practice breathing in and out in this way for 3 to 5 minutes. Notice that the movement of your belly and chest rises and falls like the motion of rolling waves.

Notice how you feel at the end of the exercise.

These websites have more information on breathing techniques:

NHS

Healthline

Headspace

Grounding exercises

Grounding exercises are techniques to bring ourselves back to the present moment, balancing ourselves emotionally.

These techniques can be particularly helpful when feeling worried and anxious about the past or what could happen in the future. They can help to redirect our thoughts away from traumatic memories, flashbacks and distressing feelings and bring us back to the here and now.

There are many different types of grounding techniques. They aren’t always easy and it can take practice before they begin to work well for you, so don’t give up if they don’t seem to help immediately. It is important to use the techniques as early as you can when you begin to experience distress – although they are a useful technique to practice generally, whether feeling distressed or not.

Grounding exercise 1: 5-4-3-2-1 method

Acknowledge five things you can see around you; four things you can touch around you; three things you can hear around you; two things you can smell and one thing you can taste.

The aim of this technique is to focus on the world around you so that you are less focused on what is making you feel anxious, worried, or distressed.

Grounding exercise 2: categories

Choose one or two broad categories such as cities, dog breeds, or ice cream flavours, and list as many as you can within that category. Alternatively, try reciting the alphabet backwards or practicing times tables.

Again, the purpose of these exercises is to focus your attention on something other than whatever is making you feel ungrounded.

Grounding exercise 3: body scanning

In a sitting or standing position, focus on each part of your body and how it feels. Try not to assign judgement to this process – for example, if you notice that your chest feels tight, do not begin to reflect on why that might be. Instead, identify how each body part feels and then move on to the next. Close your eyes if that helps you to focus on the exercise.

Begin by taking some deep breaths and then bring your awareness to where your body makes contact with the floor or chair. Begin by scanning your left foot for any sensations, moving up your calf and thigh. Then move to the right leg and follow the same order. It is ok if you don’t feel anything, just observe that and move on. Then focus on your stomach, feeling it rise and fall with your breath. Next focus on your left hand and arm. Bring curiosity to your scanning, continuing to notice any sensations. Continue with your right hand and work up the arm. Move to your chest, scanning upwards to your neck, face, jaw, and throat. Pay attention to any sensations in your head, ears, and the back of your neck. Finally, think of your body as a whole, noticing how they all connect. Stay alert to any sensations that you experience and notice them without judgement.

It is likely that your mind will wander during this exercise. This is expected. Simply remind yourself to refocus and return to concentrating on the breath and the body scan.

These websites have more information on exercises:

Healthline

LivingWell

TherapistAid

Mindfulness

Mindfulness can be a fantastic way of making sure that we are aware of where we are, what we’re doing, and how to be present in the moment.

It can be useful in situations where we feel overwhelmed and disoriented by things like work or personal lives, but also when we need to give ourselves some self-care to maintain our emotional wellbeing. Some people find it helpful for mindfulness exercises to be built into their everyday routine, even if only for a few minutes.

How to practice mindfulness:

Use a mindfulness app or video – search online for “mindfulness” or “guided meditation”.

Breathing exercises focus your attention on your breathing, its rhythm, and how each inhale and exhale of breath feels and makes your body respond.

Meditation, sitting quietly and away from distractions, focusing on your thoughts, sensations you are experiencing, the sounds around you, and your environment. If your mind starts to move on to other things, bring it back to the task at hand.

More information on mindfulness

Mindful

NHS

Wikipedia

Mind

Useful organisations

Anxiety UK offers advice and support for people living with anxiety.

B-eat provides information and support for people affected by eating disorders.

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) supports men's mental health.

FRANK provides confidential drug advice and information.

Hearing Voices Network runs an online forum and local groups across the country.

Mind Out offers mental health advice and support for anyone who identifies as LGBTQ+.

No Panic offers help and advice about anxiety disorders, including a helpline and recovery groups.

OCD Action gives support and information to anybody affected by OCD, including POCD.

StudentMinds supports students with their mental health.

YoungMinds supports children and young people with their mental health.

Professor Mark Williams (former director of the Oxford Mindfulness Centre) describes, “It’s about allowing ourselves to see the present moment clearly. When we do that, it can positively change the way we see ourselves and our lives”.

Need more help and support?

The experienced advisors on our confidential Stop It Now helpline (0808 1000 900) can help talk things through. You can stay anonymous and don’t have to give your real name, location or any contact details. If you’re not ready to speak to anyone yet, you can also use our live chat or send a secure email.

Been affected by this information?

There a number of organisations to help support people who were sexually abused as a child.

Have you or a loved one been a victim of child sexual abuse?

Calming techniques

Need more help and support?

Been affected by this information?

NAPAC

The Survivors Trust

Childline

Contact us

Connect with us

Survivors

Have you or a loved one been a victim of child sexual abuse?

Calming techniques

Need more help and support?

Been affected by this information?

NAPAC

The Survivors Trust

Childline

Contact us

Connect with us

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